Sorry this is about sex

[littleduckie]

I know talking about sex is not the done thing on here but this is really affecting my relationship.

I am 25 and have have only been sexually active for just over a year. I'm with a man who I love deeply and who turns me out. I am very attracted to him.

However. I have never had an orgasm during sex. The only time I orgasm is afterwards when I stimulate myself. I can't even orgasm when my partner helps me. It then takes a good 20-40 for me to orgasm, so most times I don't even bother attempting to.

Yet when I am on my own, I can orgasm in 5-10 minutes. I do nothing different with him than I do on my own.

I also struggle to get wet. We relied on lubricants for the first few months but I refuse to use them now as I was always getting thrush. So although I do get a little wet, sex hurts almost every time.

I love sex. But it really gets me down that I cannot orgasm and that I cannot get wet.

I am really sorry if I should not be posting this here, I am getting desperate and have no idea where to turn to.

turns me on not turns me out...

It'd the pressure of the situation - you have an expectation of what the sexual contact will encompass and when it doesn't quite live upto that expectation, it ratchets up the pressure.

You need to relax. It's easier said than done, but thats what will make things better. Have an alcoholic drink if you need to; do something that arouses you - do this together, maybe. I reckon the pressure getting to you.

I agree with Molotov, u are putting a lot of pressure on yourself, it is common for women not to orgasm during sex. Just take your time, experiment and explore what you like, and enjoy it! (that's what it's for :)

Agreeing with others, this is all about relaxation and feeling comfortable & uninhibited with your partner. He probably needs to be a lot more sensitive & take things slower. Do not feel that orgasm is the be all and end all.

Hi. It id common not to orgasm during sex, i never do, but my 'time' is straight after. How long have you been together? Have you tried different types\brands of lube? I just wouldn't have sex without these days. Painful sex just isn't worth it and may be why you find it hard to come afterwards as opposed to on your own.

" It then takes a good 20-40 for me to orgasm,"

That's pretty normal, you know? Sometimes a quick knee-trembler hits the spot but, if you want to be properly relaxed and the desire fully heightened I think you need a good long time.

This sounds normal, sex was rubbish for me when I first started. Take your time, don't feel the need to rush through things. It's ok to start and stop and talk and muck around, it's supposed to be fun. Do you feel the need to "perform" or do it "properly"? Does your partner tend to hurry towards the penetration part of sex?

Ahem .... Vibrator?
Once the orgasm 'pathways' have been made, it gets easier and easier to reach one. Experiment with a small vibrator during sex with lube. Personally I still find it impossible to hit an o during pentrative sex without the above.