Friend having problems with behaviour of her friend's children (hope that makes sense)

[SecondhandRose]

Hi, my friend came round yesterday with a dilemma and I thought I'd ask how you would deal with this.

My friend (S) says that her friend (K) keeps asking her to go round so the children can play together. Problem is S says that K lets her kids run wild, do whatever they please and she never puts them to bed. This then has a knock on effect on S's children when they get home who then think this is acceptable.

S says that K drives her bonkers with her parenting 'style' and she doesn't feel their friendship is going anywhere as K is also unfortunately suffering from depression.

Unfortunately K lost her Mum last year and S doesn't want to upset her anymore but really doesn't want to go to her house. S has already buried both her parents in the past 5 years - she's only 36 and I don't think she can cope with any more doom and gloom.

I suggested she just say she's busy but she says that K sees her taking other children home after school and can't keep making excuses.

TIA

What about asking K to go round to S's house. That way S will have more say about what happens and won't feel obliged to go along with what K and her children do. If K is feeling depressed she might be glad of a change of scenery now and then.

I would hate to be K with her friend moaning about this behind her back. If she is her friend she should be able to talk to her about how she feels

Like Roscoe says, wouldn't it be worth trying having Ks children round her house? I know that if my children have friends round they can be a right pain, but if they go to someone elses I am always told how polite they are. I think whatever, S should be truthful with K and not just avoid her.

If K is depressed she proberbly hasn't got the energy, to try to keep her kids in line.
Can also see were S is coming from, I have a woman who seems to be trying to befriend me, but her DS is so naughty and boistrous, he always leads my two DS's astray,must admit I try to avoid her as well.
I agree with Roscoe, perhaps in S's house K would try to keep the kids under control.

Thanks for yr messages. The last time K's son went to S's house he completely wrecked her son's room. She told me that the child had emptied her son's bedroom on to the landing! So I don't think that one will be an option.

Any more ideas?

How old are the kids ??
What about going to a kids play area ... Whacky Warehouse for example where the kids CAN go mad without causing too much damage. Or on a nice day - to the park / beach .... that way they can all runaround ?
But I do know how S feels - differing parenting styles can lead to a bit of conflict ... but just tell S to be thankful she does not have to deal with such "energetic" children
How's about S giving K a break and offering to lookafter her kids. IF there is "bad" behaviour S can explain to K's kids that "this is not the way we play/treat people ....etc"
Worked for me !

Sounds like what K really needs is support. If S really values K, or anything left of their friendship, could she find time to spend with her way from the kids? The she might rediscover the trust between them enough to be more upfront about the kids, offer some support to help her get the kids i a more settled routine and outlook, and perhaps they could offer mutual support over the loss of parents.

Nice idea, isn't it, but I am perhaps posting by satellite link-up to CloudCuckoo Land.