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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need to leave OH but no where to go

14 replies

Stained · 28/01/2013 23:50

So I have been married a year and a half and we have 7 month daughter. My mother is dead and my sisters and family live in Congo. I have a father here but we are not on talking terms as he has new wife so don't care for his kids.
I am in an abusive marriage more emotionally than physical.even though OH has never hit me on plenty occasions he has threatened to beat the shit out of me. I am in cursed every other day and shouted at so much that I am threatened when he walks In from work. I am on maternity and even though I earn barely anything I have been forced to pay my share of the bills leaving me with no money but still abused for doing nothing. I am African and so is he. I am to look after our baby newborn clean the house do all chores in the house also if I don't then I will be abused and shouted at. When he walks in from work I am really scared. I try to look around to make sure all is done to try and avoid a day of shouting. He comes back and yell why is this here why is daughter not bathed. And then it's off to calling me a stupid bitch and so many abusive things I am embarrassed to name them.
He continues by saying where will u go u have no one stupid bitch u deserve nothing. Really hurtful things to my dead mother. My cousins and aunty are actually scared of him and just call him MASTER.

When I was pregnant I was hospitalised I believe it was all the stress as for him being pregnant was not a sickness I should do it all. Now I am so worried he shouts and curses me infront of my girl. He says so many hurtful things and I don't want my baby growing up seeing this. I used to cry so much when he was cursing but now I wait when goes to work and cry. I am so unhappy I am trapped.

I feel bullied daily. This Sunday I slept in and he started yelling how he had not eaten at 1. There was no food in fridge until I get my pay I don't have no money so he was yelling I bought food meaning the fruits he bought and beef. I was saying there are no eggs no nothing and he was just cursing me.

I made a mistake and got a mortgage before baby was born I was bullied into it he cud not get mortgage alone and during that time he was nice he even helped out. I am stuck and I feel ashamed. He is a great liar and always blames things on me. Comes back home and abuses me then sed I can get out but I can't take my baby.

I had a csection and 6 days after giving birth he threw me out naked in just my knickers he pulled on the carpet drugged me out. I stayed out begging to come in. I miss home(Congo) I wish I cud pack and go but how do I start. My life is here I want me and my baby to escape this abuse but have no where to go. We would be homeless. We live in London but wish we could run away so far away.

I don't want to discuss with family as they all(Africans) thinking u should pray stay together marriage is tough. But no I am crying everyday. Sleeping with him I feel raped I don't even want a kiss on cheek.

I am scared of him. I am scared. Please any advise.

OP posts:
deleted203 · 28/01/2013 23:54

Try phoning Women's Aid Tel No 0808 2000 247. They will offer you advice and help in how to get out. It's a free number and they will have Refuges for Women in your area. Please phone them - your life sounds horrendous. Good luck.

izzyizin · 29/01/2013 00:02

Visit this site refuge.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/african-and-african-caribbean-refuges/ and make contact using the 24/7 Helpline number which is run in conjunction with Women's Aid.

Stained · 29/01/2013 00:04

Thank you so much I will contact when his at work tomorrow

OP posts:
deleted203 · 29/01/2013 00:19

The best of luck to you Stained. There are always women on here willing to listen and offer sympathy and advice. And I think if you could get yourself and your daughter out of there and to a place where you felt safe your life would be so much better. You can get out and you can take your baby with you.

thecook · 29/01/2013 00:32

Please get in touch with Southall Black Sisters. They can help. Can somebody do me a link please? They are London based.

suburbophobe · 29/01/2013 00:57

Oh sweetheart, please get out, Izzy has given you a good link.

There's no way you should have to put up with this for a moment longer, you and your daughter.

I am divorced from an African man, we had problems but nowhere on this scale.

I'm so glad you found mumsnet!

((hugs))

suburbophobe · 29/01/2013 00:58

www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/

spiritedaway · 29/01/2013 01:04

Please keep in touch OP. . my thought are with you. Can you clear the search history now on your phone or pc? x

spiritedaway · 29/01/2013 01:05

Please keep in touch OP. . my thoughts are with you. Can you clear the search history now on your phone or pc? x

izzyizin · 29/01/2013 03:24

Having re-read your post, I see you are in London, honey.

If you care to pm me the name of your local borough council I can send you direct numbers for the resources you need to get out of your appalling situation and begin the process of settting you and your dd free from your h's tyranny.

Please note I'm not asking for your rl name and/or actual address.

Stained · 02/02/2013 12:28

Sorry I have been quiet. I had a driving test which I failed. Think I am overly stressed! I have not called anyone yet I have just been thinking overly I though maybe I wait till baby turns 1 so OH can spend 1st birthday with her. I thought am I bad mum if I don't. So it's been a week since my last post I told OH I want a divorce he cursed me out then tried apologising.. Then cursed me some more its all too much. I told him I will not be cooing for him again I will only b looking after baby. I went around a family house to eat when I needed and came back he got food from his mum and left all dishes there everyday. So I touched nothing till Friday cause sink was a mess. He then says Friday night when are you getting over this I think u need HELP, he sent me a text With this link www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Postnataldepression/Pages/Symptons.aspx he says i am unbearable to live with. I kept quiet did not reply to his text. So he came downstairs I was braiding my hair. And he screams are you stupid why are you doing hair In lounge I said I will clean it. He goes go upstairs and I said no. My house too so he goes how much did you put towards! I said even if I only put £7000 it's still mine coz joint custody then he shouts get out u bitch I am your boss and soon you accept the better so I refused and he goes I will beat u till u bleed and then throw u out on the streets again. So I sed you know what FUCK OFF I was so mad I screamed FUCK OFF PLEASE FUCK OFF! He sed what did u say I repeated my self. So he came towards he and pushed my forehead then did it again I was terrified thought he is going to hit me I sed to him do it. He just kept pushing my forehead hard backwards. My baby started crying this was late midnight. So he run up bought her and and sed to her your mum is a stupid bitch and I will kick her out cursing me infront of her. I needed to say this out I tried recording everything last night. I replayed it and it sounds bad. Should I stay till may when baby girl turns 1 or just go. Will she blame me for leaving her dad. I am lost. @spritedaway I clear my history on the iPad.

OP posts:
Tryharder · 02/02/2013 12:40

I don't anyone either on here or in real life would encourage you to stay with this man. I would contact the numbers you have been given straight away.

Good luck x

TeenyW123 · 02/02/2013 12:42

Just get out. Now. You have numbers to call for help and accommodation. Do it NOW! You do not have to continue with a litany of emotional and physical abuse he dishes up to justify why you should leave NOW.

Teeny

P.S. Leave NOW!

TisILeclerc · 02/02/2013 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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