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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So DH said he was leaving

39 replies

Mosschops30 · 28/01/2013 22:56

Then as he was about to leave he said 'as long as we're agreed on 50/50 split and sell the house ASAP'.

I said er no actually I want to stay here with the dcs and if we did sell I think I'm entitled to more than half.

He went bonkers saying I wouldn't get a penny more, that if I wanted to play nasty then he would too and that he wasn't going anywhere unless I agreed.

He's now still here and has suggested we make a go of things but doesn't actually think anything needs to change

Any advice/opinions? I feel like I'm going crazy Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Mosschops30 · 28/01/2013 23:39

Thank you all for such amazing support, this is just what I needed

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 28/01/2013 23:40

Isnt it amazing how many men who, having previously not given two shiney shites about their kids needs, suddenly threaten to fight for custody when ex wife isnt playing ball?

And isnt interesting just how many of them dont when they realise that a) they wont win b) they dont want to win and c) they will lose anyway and look right dicks in the mean time!

Suggest he looks after them totally alone for 2 weeks while you go away and see his face fall 3 feet!

Catrin · 28/01/2013 23:43

Mine plays the custody card every so often... he has nothing left to try and bash me with, and that is the one thing he knows would hurt the most of all. As izzy says, he would be horrified if it actually happened.

izzyizin · 28/01/2013 23:46

If you are entitled to legal aid FGS get your skates on, honey, otherwise you're likely the find the amount you'll need to put down to get the divorce ball rolling is way beyond your means.

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 28/01/2013 23:49

How do I find out if I'm entitled to legal aid?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 28/01/2013 23:50

Your solicitor should tell you in your appointment, but in April legal aid for private cases, such as divorce, is being removed so if you want to divorce him then you need to get in there before 1 April if you are entitled.

Bogeyface · 28/01/2013 23:52

Incidentally, I think it us utterly disgusting that this is happening as the only people that get legal aid in a divorce are those that have been left high and dry! No one does it for fun do they?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/01/2013 23:54

Bogey they don't, but I can see the logic to an extent. Marriage is a private contract, and if the people who signed it want to dissolve it then surely it should be they that pay?

Original poster
Mosschops30 · 28/01/2013 23:58

Do you have to earn below a certain figure??

OP posts:
zipzap · 28/01/2013 23:59

Seem to remember than in other similar threads, people have suggested that you go and talk to as many good local solicitors as you can - which will stop him from being able to use them as there will be a potential conflict of interest as you will have had legal advice from them too.

Not sure if this is still the case (or indeed if it ever was or is just something that happens in the US) - maybe somebody who knows better can confirm or shoot this down?

Good luck - and remember, he's saying stuff not because he is interested in the truth or a fair split of assets - he is saying what he thinks he should say to get him the maximum payout and consequently you the minimum... He wants to scare you and manipulate you - he doesn't care about you anymore, he just cares about himself and how he can maximise his payout.

izzyizin · 29/01/2013 00:07

If you are entitled to legal aid - which will established at your first consultation - it's not worth wasting time trying to play games with what solicitors he can or cannot use.

If you can't source personal recommendations from family/friends, visit www.womensaid.org.uk to locate your nearest office, give them a call and ask them to recommend solicitors in your area who specialise in divorce and family law and who, preferably, offer a free half an hour initial consultation.

Hatpin · 29/01/2013 00:13

Your sol is right, of course, its her job :)

A mesher order is certainly an option.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/01/2013 10:52

He suggests 'making a go of things' then says he wants to fight for custody presumably to rattle you or make you roll over and agree to his inflated ideas about what he's entitled to post-divorce. I get the impression things have been ropey a while OP. Don't know how many DCs you have or what ages but this can't be a healthy atmosphere for you all.

If you are in good health and working already and doing the brunt of housework and childcare already, sounds like you are practically a single parent right now. You could crack on and start legally separating. You don't mention DV but if the love and respect are long gone, things start to fester and your relationship corrodes I think it becomes a possibility when tensions heighten.

SolidGoldBrass · 29/01/2013 12:46

Just keep repeating to him 'I've seen a solicitor, I'm not discussing anything with you.' THen turn your back on him and walk away/put the phone down. He is full of shit and what he thinks and says doesn't matter. Get the ball rolling ASAP, you'll soon be rid of him.

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