Will ExH ever let me get on with my life? Just getting it off my chest!

[MsSavingPennies]

I have posted before. Just ranting really.

I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm legally separated almost 5 years ago, I have a teenage son. My life has moved on, My new partner and I bought a nice new home together, I have a teenage son too.

I do not have a legal care agreement due to my ex being an a*se! According to my solicitor who is excellent in family law, my son is of an age where by he can legally say who he wants to stay with. (not English law) My son wants to stay with us both!

I just received a letter today from the Child benefit agency as my exh has made a claim against my sons child benefit. Then almost immediately I receive a text from my exh saying 'am I still happy for HIM to receive the benefit?' and 'he doesn't want him to go without' and I should support the benefit being moved to him. Even though last month he was blackmailing me regarding it. I told him no. Child benefit will only pay to one claimant. EXh wants to receive it all, or for me to go round to his house every month cash in hand! Control!!

I'm certain this is all about control. He is p'd off cos I have moved on. In the last 18 months my exh has began to share his care. I'm not disputing that. But even then he pays for very little. Over the last 3 1/2 years he paid nothing. And still over the last 18 months I bought 90% of his school uniform, paid all his school activities, I buy his all his foorwear. He has a closet of clothes. All his food is homemade by myself and partner so I know he eats well with us. He gets everything he needs, I just don't trust ex to actually buy our son what he needs. And I do wonder if its not this, will it just be something else?

Anyway, I had this gut feeling and I called my doctors practice, my son has always been registered at the same practice as me under my address, only to find that without my knowledge or consent exh changed my sons address to his address, that happened in September (the doctors software records these things) and lo and behold one of the questions re child benefit dispute is regarding the address of your son's medical records! I called HMRC and told them as I wanted it on record.

I feel helpless really. I just want to get on with my life but have to put up with hurtful, intimidating texts etc. I never contact ex unless to reply. I don't want my son to be piggy in the middle either. Is this what I have to put up with forever more?

Don't panic. If your son stays with you over 50% of the time then the child benefit will still go to you. They do also take account of where he is registered for doctors, school etc, where he keeps his toys etc but that's just one factor in establishing where the child's main home is.

If you haven't already, you will get a form to fill in either with the letter telling you there has been a claim for your DS from your ex...or on its way. You have a chance on this form to make the case for why you should be the 'Parent with Care'.

I had a similar claim against both children and the ruling was for my ex to get the CB for one and me the other. However, they assigned the younger child to me.
If there's only one child then I would have thought you'd have a good chance of retaining the benefit, unless your ex has your DS over 50% of the time.

Presumably you also filled in a form at the doctors to change your son's address back to yours, ie the place he actually resides? Would also check that school have the right address too...

WhereMyMilk - as soon as I realised I got the address changed back to mine. I will check with the school I know his school transport is registered at my address.