Im going crazy

[teensyweensy]

I hope you can help me. If I deserve it.
Ive been with my partner for 10 years and we have an 8yo DD. Weve always been really happy together and I know we are the envy of friends for our closeness.
Last february, I did something very stupid that i really do regret. I am on another forum, where i have lots of friends. I had been flirting a bit more than I should with one of my friends, though never gave him the impression that anything could happen between us. One day I was online and while looking through old emails I found a topless picture of myself that Id sent an ex boyfreind, way before I was with my partner. I mentioned it to my friend, in a 'gosh I just found this, wish I looked like that now' type of way. Stupidly, after a bit of cajoling I sent it to him. Almost immediately I felt sick, realising what a betrayal it had been. I told him I shouldnt have sent it, made him delete it and he promised never to mention it again. It prompted me to put a lot more distance between us and we're now on friendly terms but dont exchange any private messages apart from sometimes catching up with each others lives in a general way.
The problem I have is that I cant get past it. I am full of guilt constantly. I feel sick and anxious and keep thinking that my partner will leave me if he ever finds out. Theres no reason to think he will ever find out but that doesnt help. I feel like a terrible partner and mother. I am often in tears (in private) thinking that Ive ruined the trust we had and that I can never repair that now. I dont know if this is just what I deserve or if I should be able to move on. I love my family so much and would be destroyed if it were to fall apart.
What can I do now? I feel like telling him would only be to alleviate my guilt and Im terrified of breaking up an otherwise happy family.

I think the problem is that there was a reason that you flirted more than you should, and a reason you sent the picture. The reason is why you can't let go of this. What were you feeling when this began? I think you need to find the source to find the solution.

You made a mistake, you feel like an idiot, you've been foolish .... means you're human, not a monster. :) You have to find a way leave the mistake in the past and move on with your life. As you say, your partner is never going to find out unless you tell him... which you must promise me isn't going to happen because that would be an even bigger mistake.

If you love your partner and your family then step away from all these 'friends' on another forum and work out what's missing from your life that you felt the need to be a little reckless with topless pics. Are you bored? Taken for granted? Feeling 'mumsy' and unexciting? Lacking affection? Work out what's wrong and then see if you can fix it with your partner and without resorting to online thrills.

I think youre right that I was feeling a bit unsettled in other ways when it happened. we were in the pmiddle of planning a move away from family and friends and I was feeling quite anxious about it. Last year was a hard year in many ways
But Im worried about giving myself excuses.
Things should be fine now, but instead im mentally tying myself in knots

A) yes, it was a ridiculous thing to do but having snapped out of it immediately it is not worth all your angst.
B) if you really are feeling so wretched about it, why do you still stay in touch with this man? I'm sure you'll say because he's a friend blah blah blah...but he's not, he's some stranger you've never even met. Surely continuing to be pally with him is contributing to how you feel?

Move on, from the incident and from the 'friend'. Get on with life.

I think the move signalled the end of my youth and the progression to a more grown up and sensible life. I still sometimes wonder if thats what I want, but we all have to grow up dont we?

1. Don't tell your H just to alleviate your guilt and make him feel worse.

1. Do examine what aspects of your personality led you to flirt with and titillate another man, and work on those.

We are all human and we all have flaws, but it is a good idea to take a good hard look at those flaws when they lead us to damaging behaviour, in order to sidestep similar damaging behaviour in the future.

McBalls you are partly right but not entirely. Ive known the man for years, longer than my partner and have met him many times as part of groups, both big and small. I can and have cut down hugely on contact with him, but to cut him out entirely would also mean losing some other long term friends. Its probably worth it but its not straight forward.