Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

"If you don't have an abortion then I'll do it for you myself"

83 replies

Kyrptonite · 28/01/2013 13:34

This is what "D"P said to me yesterday. I'm 7 weeks pregnant, it would be my third and his fourth. I knew he wasn't happy about it all but this has properly shocked me. I told him to leave, he said try and make him.
I agreed to do it. I don't want to do it, I really don't. I let him bully me into one last year and we had been using condoms. This feels like it should be happening (as wanky as that sounds).

What the fuck do i do? People at work know about the baby, MIL is my manager so she knows but DP doesn't know that anyone else knows (I needed to say it out loud to people so that it sunk in). My head is a fucking mess.

I know he's angry. He probably has a right to be as him bullying me into an abortion is probably no worse than me forcing a child he doesn't want upon him. There is no compromise here is there?

I'm rambling. I needed to get it all out.

OP posts:

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 28/01/2013 17:41

Threatening to harm you and your unborn child is an offence iirr (from that case with the doctor poisoning his gf to miscarry). Speak to the police get the bastard removed

JuliaScurr · 28/01/2013 18:16

rightsofwomen.org

JuliaScurr · 28/01/2013 18:21

chezziejo · 28/01/2013 18:30

What county are you in? I'm Derbyshire if its any help xx I'm usually up in the night too with baby if you need anyone.

RSVP · 28/01/2013 19:57

you are not a shit parent-he is a shit person
Stay strong!

izzyizin · 28/01/2013 20:26

As the tenancy agreement is in your name, ypu do NOT need to leave - but he does.

Don't wait until he 'kicks off'; simply ask him to leave and call the police if he refuses to comply with your request.

The only bag you need ready is one containing screwdrivers, small hacksaw, and pair of pliers, together with replacement barrels so you can change the locks as soon as he's off the premises.

After he's gone you'll be able to take stock and make plans that are right for you and your dc.

When you talk to Women's Aid, ask when the next Freedom Programme is due to start - and be sure to enrol on it.

Lueji · 28/01/2013 21:08

He probably has a right to be as him bullying me into an abortion is probably no worse than me forcing a child he doesn't want upon him.

God, no!

You wouldn't be forcing a child on him.
Did he have sex with you knowing that condoms are not full proof?
Does he own your body?
He can leave the child and you if he likes.
He can't force you to have an abortion.

Do you even want to stay with him after that comment?

By all means have an abortion if you can't see yourself with another baby, but you should get rid of the git too.

delilahlilah · 28/01/2013 21:26

Hope you are ok OP? Lots of support here for you. Totally agree with Lueji, in the post above

Thumbwitch · 28/01/2013 22:13

Another one who thinks calling the police ahead and letting them know of his threat to harm your baby is a good idea.
I would also suggest you have another adult there when you tell him to leave in case he attacks you immediately - I know you haven't experienced violence from him before but that doesn't mean he wouldn't hit you.

And counselling is a great idea, I hope you don't have too much of a wait for it.

Binfullofmaggotsonth45 · 28/01/2013 22:18

Would it be acceptable to chop his cock off - to prevent the next potential pregnancy....?

If he's so unhappy about it why doesn't he get a vasectomy?

He's an abusive bully. So sorry op.

JuliaScurr · 29/01/2013 14:28

what news of kryptonite?

shinyrobot · 29/01/2013 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BerylStreep · 29/01/2013 15:12

Shocking.

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 29/01/2013 16:17

No news as of yet. I haven't really seen him as his shifts are opposite of mine this week and despite him being a cunt it's not really a texting conversation.

Will keep everyone updated. Thank you for the advice and support.

OP posts:

delilahlilah · 01/02/2013 20:06

How are you doing Kryptonite?

JuliaScurr · 01/02/2013 20:39

you alright?

Buzzardbird · 02/02/2013 09:00

Any update?

sashh · 02/02/2013 09:14

He's made a threat to harm you - call the police, tell them what's happened.

^^
This

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 05/02/2013 19:03

Sorry it has taken me a while to update. Basically I have been a complete fucking wimp and he is still here. However as he is on nights tonight I am writing a note for him to see when he gets in in the morning explaining that I am not going to let him bully me into an abortion and that he is to move out. I can't have a conversation with him face to face without him bullying me or me being too scared to say how I feel so as cowardly as it is this feels like my only option.

DS has been picking up on the atmosphere I think. The last week his behaviour has been awful. Violent at nursery, completely refusing to listen to me and soiling and wetting 7 times a day. DD refuses to go to sleep and I am so fucking tired right now it's all I can do not to fall asleep at work.

I had to go to the hospital thursday with bleeding and stomach pain down one side. They thought it was an eptopic pregnancy but having had an ultrasound, a vaginal ultrasound and a smear (i forgot how little dignity there is in pregnancy!) everything seems ok and I have my proper dating scan on my birthday in a month.

Thank you everybody that posted. I am sorry that I have let people down by not throwing him out when you all told me to but I am now trying to take steps to remove him from my house and our lives.

OP posts:

delilahlilah · 05/02/2013 19:11

You haven't let anyone down. You are doing what is right for you and your children. He does need to go, and you are addressing that. Hopefully your DS will recover his usual self once things are happier and you will feel better too. Try not to react to the soiling and wetting, frustrating as it is.

QuietNinjaTardis · 05/02/2013 19:15

Good for you. Stay strong. Look after yourself and your dc and I hope you get this bastard out of your lives. Keep posting here there are always people around to talk to and give advice if you need it.

Xales · 05/02/2013 19:16

You haven't let anyone down. It is very easy to say get rid when not involved in the situation and not knowing how dangerous it could be. It is not so easy in practice.

You know what you need to do, you know it needs to be done for your children. Keeping yourself and your children safe while you organise getting this man out of your house is important.

People will always be here if you need a virtual handhold.

Good luck

Lueji · 05/02/2013 19:46

You aren't letting anyone here down.

The only people you can possibly let down is youself and your DCs.

It's not easy to face a bully.

So, may the force be with you to kick him out of your life.

SolidGoldBrass · 05/02/2013 20:56

Take care of yourself. You are taking the right steps but remember, if he does kick off, dial 999 and get him removed immediately. It's worth having a word with the local police DV unit to let them know that you are throwing out your abusive partner, and they will make a note to the effect that any distress call from your address is a priority.

carlywurly · 05/02/2013 21:01

Your OP title may well be the shittiest thing I've ever read on MN, and that takes some doing. You poor, poor thing.
There is no choice but to have him leave. What he's said is utterly monstrous. You and your dc's will no doubt be harmed by him remaining, be it physically or emotionally.
Don't let your poor little dc's have their childhoods tainted by this. Let the professionals help you out of this situation in the quickest, safest way possible.
Wishing you and your bump all the very best x

Flip

1 2 3 4