harassment

[SairsG]

Hi, has anyone had any experience of harassment. I left my H 9 months ago, we have a 6 year old. I am living at my mums and we have joint care of our S. My H has been texting me solidly since the day I left, either messages of undying love or spiteful (these are more frequent) message about what an awful thing I have done and how could I do this to our S and that he will do anything to get us back together. There is nothing that will make me go back to him because he is a bully. This is a very dumbed down version of events but I would be here another 9 months otherwise! I am at my wits end and just don't know how to get him to stop. I have asked him several times to stop and only contact me about S, arrangements or the house but makes no difference. I try not to read them because I get upset but I feel like it will never end. I want things to be amicable so don't want to involve police he is not threatening anyway just constant and spiteful. I have asked him to look into buying our house and I have sought advice about divorce and told him I am going to file if he doesn't (have given him a month). Has anyone been in a similar position and come out the other side? I have no idea how to get him to stop harassing me and he feels he has done nothing wrong to deserve me leaving and is doing nothing wrong by telling me exactly how he feels about it all (over and over and over again). Thanks any advice or just someone that knows and has been here would help...

You should involve the police. They will help you. Harassing you like this is wrong.
Also I read on here that you can get your mobile company to block your ex's number. I realise you need to communicate with your ex about your child but perhaps you could set up an email account for that? ( and tell him you will delete emails that don't concentrate on your DS)

" I want things to be amicable so don't want to involve police he is not threatening anyway just constant and spiteful."

You may want things to be amicable but he clearly doesn't share your view. No point, therefore, soft-pedalling. If you're going to start divorce proceedings I would make that appointment for later this week rather than next month. Explain what's going on to your solicitor and it could be that a letter from them is enough to shut him up. Also give your local police a call on the 101 emergency number and show them the barrage of communications you are subjected to. Do not reply... not even about your daughter.

son... sorry... not daughter

thanks for advices.

If you're intending to divorce and are entitled to legal aid, you're best advised to act soon as the rules are changing at the end of March.

With regard to his harassing texts, if you don't wish to involve the police change your number and tell him you will only respond to polite and courteous mails.

'mails' should be 'emails'

I work so am not entitled to anything. I don't respond to his messages unless they are about our S and have asked him to stop and he just has a go that I am ignoring him. Thing is he really thinks that he is doing nothing wrong and because I left he has the right to say whatever he likes. He constantly tells my I have ruined our S life and that he will grow up insecure because of it. We will probably have to sell the house and he says I am awful for the fact that he and S will loose their home. Its so hard not to be hurt by the words or worry about if he is right about S and not feel guilty about it all.

You said in your OP that he is a bully. He is still bullying you, even though you are not together. he is saying these things to get under your skin. Don't let him! I know it is hard but don't let him see that he is getting to you.

I really think you need legal advice, and soon.

You're going to have to disengage and ignore. When he 'has a go' keep the messages as proof but don't respond. He is bullying you and trying to intimidate you by playing on your insecurities and doubts. Any reaction from you, positive or negative, he will see as a victory.

FWIW... a house is just a house. People buy and sell them all the time. Your son's life is not ruined and, if anything, he will grow up more secure if he doesn't have to live in a home where his father is behaving in such a domineering manner towards his mother.

Please see a lawyer this week if you can get an appointment. Nine months of this is cruelty beyond belief.

Any reaction from you, positive or negative, he will see as a victory.

Cogito is right. Even if you say 'please stop this at once' he will view this as encouraging.

You really have done the right thing in not responding, but your ex is very persistent. You also need to protect yourself more.

My preferred first step would be to talk to a solicitor. Ideally all contact should be through them. Otherwise, as izzy suggests, change your number and tell your ex all contact must be by email, and must only be important matters regarding child contact.

Set up an account especially. Then ask a trusted family member or friend to read the emails for you and only forward relevant ones.

If he continues to harass you, warn him once only that you will contact police... and mean it. Good luck...

Thank you everyone. I had already spoken to a solicitor and had written to him to give him 28 days to look into buying me out of our house and seek to divorcee or I would sell house and start divorce proceedings myself. He had the mortgage interview today which didn't go well so had a spiteful go at me about loosing his home and currently up to 13 texts ranging from begging me to stop this and wot a terrible person I for doing it. Will talk to solicitor afai tomorrow. Appreciate all advices.

Glad you're seeing a solicitor. Please keep all the texts and don't respond.