Panic after DP has left.

[Sunshinewithshowers]

Hi I am a regular, have namechanged.

I am sitting on the sofa taking deep breaths, I keep coming over all panicky.

I asked DP to leave last week, after finding lots of evidence of emotional affairs. His response was "they were only online" Not an ounce of remorse, just sorry he got caught.

Im pregnant & due to move in about 8 weeks.

So I will be on maternity leave when I move in.
He said he will help with money.

Im so scared & feel alone. If he doesn't help with the mortgage, I will lose my new home with my first baby.
Will I be able to apply for any benefits?
I keep crying, I feel like someone has died.

I can't really give you any advice but it's not surprising you are panicking: your emotions and possibly your hormones will be all over the place. It sounds as if this one wasn't a keeper and I really hope he takes his responsibilities to his baby more seriously than he did to you. How pregnant are you?

Someone wiser/more helpful will be along soon. Good luck and don't feel bad for feeling bad.

Im 5 months pregnant, Im so scared.

I am trying so hard to keep busy, but every few hours it really hits me.

I don't know wether to pull out of the new house, but Im privately renting & the landlord is selling.

So I would have to find a new place to rent. Such a mess.

Friends are near, not family though.

We were together for 10 years & have put mortgage in joint names.

Privately renting at the moment.

My wage is £1100.

Rent is £700 & mortgage will be £695.

Then I will have my bills ect. I feel physically sick. He was leading a double life.

Is there a chance of buying something much smaller just in your name? I wouldn't want a joint mortgage with him.

How utterly awful. I guess I would say that there's still time to back out of the house purchase (not exchanged contracts yet?) because that 'ties you together ' in a much harder-to-sever way than looking for a new (small) flat to rent that he will have to contribute to as part of maintenance. I presume you're not legally married? Gather your supportive friends around you, confide in GP/midwife, you will find a way through this nightmare.

The house was £120,000. i cant see much cheaper, he said he will sign it all over to me.

Ive been thinking of renting a room out?
My head is going round in circles, the lies, the shock, the plans we had.

Not married. He came round today to collect some things, so I made sure I was out. I cant face looking at him & crying in front of him.

OP, I've just gone onto the Entitled To website and put in your figures and I think you should go and have a look, too. It looks a lot more promising than you might think. I did it based on you staying in privately rented accommodation as you can get housing benefit for that, whereas you wouldn't get it for a mortgage.

It worked out at £262 weekly, including housing benefit. If you had a mortgage, you would get £90 pw less AND have to pay the mortgage.

The £262 weekly was based just on your income.

Thank you so much, I will have a look.

I think you need to rethink your housing situation. Even if he signs it over to you, the bank might not allow you the mortgage on your own.

I know it's a shock but I think you need to see your solicitor for advice. I hope things get better for you.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If I were you I would probably pull out of purchasing the house and committing yourself with a mortgage. With a baby on the way the last thing you want to be worrying about is whether you can pay the mortgage and bills, you want to be concentrating on yourself and baby. At least if you rent you may be able to get some financial help with the payments. If it were me I wouldn't want to rely on the x helping out because if things turn nasty your going to be stuck . Why dont you contact the benefits people and find our exactly what you would be entitled too. Let us know how you get on and look after u and baby x

If it's a joint purchase with STBX, you need to talk to him about what he wants to do about it.

Search for olgaga's posts which contain lots of links to sources of practical advice. Use these to do your preparation, so you know what issues to raise with him and what the basic coatings for some options would be.

You are stronger than you think. The admin will look like a scary mountain right now, but when you start planning your possible routes, you will find a way you can manage.

In the mean time, remember to eat and try to sleep. Your baby needs you to be healthy, And even when all else goes to rats, taking care of your health, and by extension DC's, is achievable.

I am going to make an appointment with the c.a.b tomorrow & speak to my neighbour, she is looking for someone to rent her house.

He said he would sign the place we are buying over to me.
So I will be left with the mortgage.

He was planning on how we would do the place up & was so excited about the baby.

How can someone live two lives?
I am eating better now, the first few days were hell.

Thanks everyone.