reporting

[2013go]

looking for advice on reporting an incident of sexual assault/sexual abuse within a relationship to the police- is it worth it? I just wonder if there is any point? I guess I am thinking in terms of how frequent this kind of thing is, and how often it goes unreported. I'm not ashamed any more, it was a couple of years ago, but why should it be a secret, why should it be normalised/unreported? What if, in future, it happens again to someone else? Will it be of assistance to them? What comeback is there on the person who reports? (from the pepetrator? Would they know?)

No personal experience of this, I expect someone on here will know more than me, but I would have thought the police will speak to them in order to investigate. I would also guess that the perpetrator would probably know that it was you. If you are worried about the repercussions on you, then you could discuss this with the police. You could probably report the crime anonymously, but there is less chance that the police could then do anything with the information, besides recording it in their stats.
Yes, I think it would be of assistance to another potential victim, so it would be the right thing to do. But obviously don't put yourself in danger. Maybe you could phone the victim support line for advice.

Certainly it's worth reporting any crime. Contact your local police using the non-emergency 101 number and ask to talk to whoever deals with domestic violence. They do take it very seriously and should be able to talk you through the concerns you have.

Hi op, I'm really sorry that this happened to you.

I had a similiar experience. I was raped by my ex, afterwards I told my dm, she put me off reporting it for various reasons as I think she feared it woudn't be taken seriously enough as she'd seen it all before an I'd be dragged through hell and back, she said the best thing was to just leave him. I didn't report it and I didn't leave, a few months later after another attack I broke down and df found out and he actually called the police himself as he'd no idea what had being going on.

The police were very good, it did involve being at the station for hours and I was asked some very personal questions. I wasn't physcially examined as it was months before but I did at the time have bruises from a physical attack which were examined. Once it was passed on to the higher up police the ex was arrested within a couple of days and questioned then bailed. The case was passed to the CPS who wouldn't take it to court as there wasn't enough evidence.

The woman who was dealing with my case never even came to see or speak to me until after it was all dropped, my ex had admitted to hitting me but said it was both of us and that I hit him too which was bull. I was asked questions like 'why didn't I report it at the time', 'why did I stay with him after he'd done all of this'. And apparently the one big thing I said was that often ex would instigate sex and I'd say no but he'd pester me so much I'd change my mind and just let him get on with it. And I said that I hadn't reported it at the time as I thought maybe he thought I was going to change my mind even though I was crying and saying to get off. This apparently was an admission by me that he might not have seen it as rape.

It wasn't a nice experience at all, I don't think it was taken seriously once it was passed up and I'm not even sure I was believed. But I'm still very glad I did report it as I know in my heart it was the right thing to do. And even though he was never really reprimanded if he ever does it again to some poor other woman at least it might count for something.

Please don't think that I'm trying to put you off reporting as I absolutely think that you should report.

sparkly that is absolutely shocking. Glad you sound so strong after going through that.
That kind of 'grooming'/pressure that makes you think you can never say no, I can't believe looking back that I ever put up with it, I should have seen it as the sign it was that an assault was highly likely at some point.
I think it's a cowardly kind of reporting that I would want to do. Have no hope whatever of ever winning anything in court or anywhere else. Do not want to do anything that would not offer protection. But partly want to report because a) it's wrong, and b) if I don't, then how does that help any woman in a similar situation- so much of this kind of thing must go under the radar, when will things change if it just goes on all the time and the way the woman deals with it is to shrug and chalk it up to exerience, also c) one day, in the future, there may be another woman, and they may be subject to the same and assume that they were the first and only incident, and that itwas their fault.

I've no idea whether you would be able to log it without any action being taken so to speak. The police to take sexual assault very seriously at least in the first instance even if the outcome isn't so much so.

You're probably best to contact the police to discuss it, or perhaps you could contact victim support or Womens Aid.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, I always think things should be reported but I completely understand that that's easier said than done.

I spoke to the police about my ex raping me without triggering an investigation. I wanted to provide some information that might be useful if someone else reported him, but I didn't want to go through an investigation myself.

I initially phoned Rape Crisis. The person I spoke to was unsure whether it was possible to do what I wanted, which was maybe a bit odd. But gave me contact details for an ISVA in my area. I went to see her, and she then liaised with the police to set up a meeting for me. I met up with a female police officer who took all the details. I was assured that as long as I stated I was providing intelligence rather than making an allegation, no investigation would follow.

My ex now lives in an area covered by a different police force to me, and indeed the location of the abuse was covered by another force again. The officer I spoke to double checked the other two forces, who would receive the info, would not investigate either. She was lovely, very understanding and respectful.

Also I would say that after providing the intelligence I felt great, it was an empowering thing to do. However after a week or so that feeling wore off, I felt quite down, and am now having counselling. Personally, I think it was harder than I expected to go through it all again, but at the same time I do not regret it.

Hope this info helps x