Don't know if I should mind about this or not

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

Recently separated and sharing custody. Dc with me more than him and most of their stuff is here.

It's his weekend with kids today. Yesterday I got a call from dd1 asking if they could come round and get their paying-in books to put Xmas cheques in. I was not at home or even in the same town. Today they wanted to come and get swimming costumes to go to a water park with dh.

Every weekend they are not here this happens. This morning they said they'd be round 'quite soon', I postponed having a bath then got fed up and got in. Cue knocking at door 10 mins later, more than an hour after the call.

I miss them like mad when they are not here, it's not that I don't want to see them but I think I should be able to have my weekends undisturbed without feeling guilty if I'm not at home. I can't help wondering if dh is doing this deliberately - he is EA and passive aggressive. I never do it to him. Also when they are with me he texts them constantly.

He's not great at boundaries either. I've been upstairs and come down and found him in kitchen/sitting room because the kids have let him in.

I don't know if I'm being reasonable or selfish and petty.

Or tell him you're too upset to see him and please please please can he get to fuck let you have some space

Make yourself less "available" when the DCs are with ex-H for the weekend. Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door & make sure you bolt the door on the inside (in case they have keys). I promise if it is an emergency you will get texts, so don't worry about not answering your phone.

Pretend to yourself that you work as a tube driver & you do not have access to the telephone!!!!! I know it seems a bit tough, but believe me it works better that way in the long run.

Not sure how old your DCs are, but I guess if they are old enough to be home alone when they are poorly, then they are old enough to let their Dad in to see them. I wouldn't pick that particular battle to fight with your ex, but it won't happen often.

If your DCs are a bit older, explain to them that you all have to get used to separate living spaces & that Dad has to let you know when he wants to visit your house - just like anyone else would. Tell the DCs it is just being polite & you do the same to him.