saw that dh is downloading porn again....

[lunarx]

turned on the tv downstairs for ds to watch a video and as we have a computer also hooked up to the tv, the little message came up "you have finished downloading teen xxx from holland".

i was shaking with anger a bit ago. but realising i have to keep it together for ds....

i dont want to hear how he isnt replacing me with porn.. he and i had an understanding that he wouldnt download it and he's never admitted to it (but had threatened to use porn again)- our marriage is unstable at even some of the best moments and at the worst moments, well... and to be honest, there is little to no sex life (although last week, before my period, i did make an effort to try!)

maybe im upset that he is hiding this from me. (even though i have told him quite honestly that if he would tell me, i really wouldnt mind! would take some of the pressure off me to keep him sexually satisfied!)

sigh. just needed to vent to some hopefully friendly ears.....

I wonder if now is the time to open up the conversation with your childs interest being paramount.
That way he knows you know he has downloaded it and he cant blame you for having concerns. I suspect that you will not be able to alter his desire to see it and certainly the argument that he needs it because he doesn't get it from you is rubbish.
This will not be a free service either to download it so complain about the waste of money that should be contributing to a bit of pleasure for both of you if you are on a tight budget at the moment.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

secur what did you do re your dh?

thanks KAZ09 :)

secur> very true. and i have company coming over this afternoon.. he did make this choice, but it will come back to being my fault (because im not having sex with him, so he's left to his devices ...whatever.) -
i havent spoke to my GP (honestly dont think there is much they could do besides put me on a waiting list for counselling!) :(

fireflyfairy> yeah... but dh knows that ds couldnt see it..and quite possibly dh didnt even know it would pop up a thing on the
screen saying the download was done!

giddy> if i were to do that (bring up our son's best interests) i would promptly be accused of 'using our son'. its no-win. my concerns will be downgraded. i wish i could believe that i'm not the reason he is downloading this trash :( it is a free source that he is downloading from (so no arguement there) :hugs: thanks for your support though...

almost time to wake ds up and get on pretending i'm okay...

Cod:- Dh is no longer DH, he has been gone fo nearly a year no and he has superised contact only. There was a lot more to it than porn sites though so am not suggesting that it is the right solution in this case.

Lunarx;- I am sorry that you are trapped like this, it is awful to feel let down and worse to feel there is nothing you can do about it. Don't resign yourself to it though, you may find that the situation changes so that you can find a way to get something done. TBH if you don't want sex and his response is to leave you feeling belittled then you need to face it all at some point. I am sure you will know when is the right time for you.

I am very lucky in that my hubby isnt interested in porn (no he is not gay before anyone says it!) although if i was to suggest it, he would watch it.

i would be very upset if he was into it, expecially if he was into teen porn- i'm not a teen anymore!

From what I know, "teen" in porn circles is an advertising gimmick, and normally means 30-year-olds with their hair in bunches, iyswim.

It's not the same thing as "pre-pubescent".

That being said, yeah, it would be a lot better if your DH was above-board with the porn thing, but it's likely he's quite ashamed of it, and finds it easier to hide it than to be straight-forward. I don't think the hiding it is worth getting annoyed at him about.

But it is worth pointing out that this sort of info displaying on your telly is really not on, for all the usual reasons.

Relate work on a sliding scale, if you cant afford their full fee, they charge as little as a tenner per visit.

Just for the record NQC there was nothing illegal found on the pre-pubescent site - as with most "teen" sites it was totally above board (according to law). My point about the difference is what it reveals about your real tendancies and not about what they actually contain.

maybe if he was a good, caring kind, or even shit hot lover you would fck him more often?

if thats not the case - go the doctors - sex is good.

Ah, fair enough, secur. I would expect a site that claimed to be pre-pubescent to contain illegal material, but I (thankfully) have no personal experience of anything like this.

I have had partners, previously, who had a bit of a thing for teens (in theory - I don't think anyone was out there actually looking for teenagers). That was somewhat annoying, but not as offputting as someone having a thing for pre-pubescent children.

can i ask a question about what type of porn is "ok" and which is certainly dodgey
teen
virgin
young
barely legal
would this ring alarm bells for you? or would you consider it a normal fetish.
am not meaning to hyjack just wouldn't mind an opinion. thanks

lou33 > our local relate will only go as low as £30 an hour for night sessions. not to mention the 6-12 week waiting list. nevermind though.

im just trying to ignore this happened, as i feel im carrying enough around with me these days (and not to mention caring for a toddler who is becoming more of a 2 year old than ever before!, my energy has to go to taking care of him and not being so bitchy about this...)

if dh was more sensitive, i think he would see my point of this, but i know he wont. and these days, we dont need anything else to row about it :(

flipflops, the words you're using don't sound pedophilic to me, just the usual teen obsession, which from what I know is a pretty normal male thing. I'd probably be nervous is a partner was downloading that sort of thing and volunteering as a high school girls' football coach or something, but otherwise, it seems like a pretty normal (if somewhat icky) fetish to me.

And as with any fetish, how disturbed I'd be about it would depend on how a partner was handling it all. If he could talk about it all in a reasonably relaxed sort of way, then I would be less worried. If he was too ashamed and weird about it to discuss it, then it would worry me more.

(I'm pretty liberal-minded, though, so I'm sure other posters would disagree with me on whether the teen thing is scary.)