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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need some advice, DD & DV

1 reply

Binkyridesagain · 26/01/2013 22:14

I posted the other week about DD and her P, caravan incident, road trip and me worrying. (On iPod, otherwise I would do linky)
I thought (stupidly) on Monday that she had got the strength to get her to quit the relationship. She told me that she was no longer going out with him but she left him a dangling carrot of if he gets himself sorted that they will get back together. Not the best idea but at the time I thought better than nothing.
However, the split is not a split, she has continued to text him at the same level as before, he has come visiting to talk ( he is banned from my house) and parked down the road, tonight she has gone to him to spend the night.
I don't know how I can help her see that this relationship is not a good one, that the violence (not directly to her) he has shown will escalate, he will isolate her from her friends and family ( he is already showing signs of it).
I am so upset, worried and frustrated. I watched my mother being smacked from one end if the room to another, I have been smacked around and now it seems that I have to watch my own child. I want the violence to end, I feel useless.
Someone please give me some help, how the hell do I stop history repeating?

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 26/01/2013 23:08

You can't stop it, you can only give her the tools to stop it Sad. .

Let her know you understand how addictive the relationship is, let her know you understand how good the good times are, let her know that you can see the things she likes....because otherwise you will drive her back into his arms. Help her by not judging her, remember how ashamed you (and I) felt of a relationship where you thought if only YOU could get it right the bad stuff would stop.

She needs to know you will always be there for her. Whatever choices she makes.

Does she like Taylor Swift? I'd buy her the album. Good powerful songs from a relevant girl.

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