Not sure if to stay in current house or move wwyd?

[Dillie]

I am in the middle of splitting with H and he is being a royal pain in the back side about the house.

To start with he wanted to sell, as he knew that I wanted to stay in the house because my dd's school and friends are on the door step.

However my mum and dad have offered to buy it and rent it back to me. (Will have a tenancy agreement etc).

Since I have told my h this, he has now gone back on his word and saying he does not want to sell. He cannot afford to keep the day to day running of the home and will probably default. He said he will keep the house, but will not be able to pay me maintenance. He suggested that he keeps it for 10 years and then pay me a lump sum for maintenance owed out of the capital!

I am thinking about moving to a different house, but will have to move dd away from her friends which is something that I don't want to do unless I really have to. Plus I fear I will have to wait ages for my share of the profits as I know h will drag his feet and will not take offers.

He also refuses point blank to move into rented accommodation.

Can courts force a sale? I can't get my head around why he will not accept a cash sale that will only involve solicitors fees and nothing else so technically he will receive more.

Wwyd? Fight for the house sale, or move and wait an eternity for it to be sold?

What does he think you are going to do for ten years, eat grass?

I can't get my head around why he will not accept a cash sale that will only involve solicitors fees and nothing else so technically he will receive more

No, it doesn't make sense, does it? Unless the starting point in trying to understand his actions/motives is realising that his main objective is trying to do anything that goes against your wishes/wants/needs. What an arsehole.

Hope someone will be along soon with some practical advice. I can't help with that, but feel for you - I am newly separated myself.

You say my dd, is she a shared child, or yours only? Just wondered.

If your parents bought the house you/he would still have to pay the bills, but as the owners your parents would be liable for general maintenance. On the face of it, it looks like a good plan because it involves less upheaval for you and your children, allows the equity to be released without you actually having to move out, but means that you/dh are no longer responsible for upkeep of the fabric.

Have you had any advice from a solicitor? Why not ask around and see if you can get your free half an hour from somewhere? The Co-Op run a legal service and you can get free general advice over the phone that would answer some of your questions. DH and I sorted all our stuff out ourselves in the end but at one point I got the heebiejeebies that it wasn't going to work and I spoke to someone at the Co-op and they were really helpful - it got rid of some of my anxieties about what could/could not be done and made me feel a bit more confident.

Good luck.x

Thanks tired

Yes she is our child. I guess over the past few months I have tried to emotionally detach myself from H as a sort of defence because of his attitude.

The plan is I will pay the bills etc and mum and dad will be a private landlord. There will be a tenancy agreement done to protect everyone. (Which he wants to see before handing the house over)

I will go to the solicitor hopefully back end of this week to see how this will work and if I can force H to sell. He did say he will not pay maintenance if mum and dad become landlord as he feels he I'd paying them rent on his own house! He also said last night that he can't afford the house, but can do it if he pays me no maintenance!!!

If I walk away to a new house, I am worried he will default and dd and myself could suffer because of it in the future. Plus if I am honest, I really do not want to remove dd away from her friends. I could try to move as close as possible, but it won't be like it is now, where she can go and knock on their door with minimal supervision.

I will book a solicitor in the next week or two, as he is becoming increasingly erratic, and hopefully they will be able to point me in what direction to head.

This is all making my head hurt!!

You neevd to consult a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law and, if you are entitled to legal aid, you're best advised to institute divorce proceedings now as the rules are changing at the end of March.

If you cannot source personal recommendations from friends/family members, visit www.womensaid.org.uk to locate your nearest branch, give them a call during usual office hours, and ask them to point you in the right direction.

Bear in mind that if you become a tenant of your dps or other relative you may not be able to claim housing benefit.

It is possible sometimes to claim housing benefit whilst renting from a relative. My bil does this.

Is your bil's local authority's housing benefit office aware that he is renting from a relative, cece.

its fine to rent from a relative so long as its a market rate and paid regularly. its much harder to claim if you actually live with them tho. you can't claim hb for a house you used to live in with your ex if the ex becomes the landlord, but thats not the case here

You need legal advice. Once you have seen a solicitor he won't be able to keep making these empty threats.

He is spouting complete rubbish re the maintenance.

I thought if you are married you get to stay in the house with the kids until they are 18?

If that's not the case I suggest you sell the house simply to get a new start and minimise complication.