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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Its not working but I feel guilty

23 replies

ScoobyGirl · 23/04/2006 19:43

Hi,

Ive been with my partner for just over a year now, we do not live together and I have children from a pervious relationship.

All in all my DP is a good person, he's generous with his money (when he has it which is rare) and he'll do almost anything to make me happy.

The truth is though I really dont think we're going anywhere, there is next to no hope of us ever living together as he cannot handle money properly and has no concept of saving up as he's never had to before.

On a less serious note he "turns me off" and I feel awful saying that, he's overweight and eats like a pig and he often eats before we go to bed meaning if we have sex (which is rare) he's grunting/hiccuping and burping all the way through it then sometimes he has to stop half way through for "a rest" and then wonders why Im not up for it 99.9% of the time.

He also doesnt take care of himself very well, he had a front tooth knocked out as a teen and now just has a stub there. He was supposed to go to the dentist to have it sorted out but he just left it and so now all around it is thick, black plaque and it really looks disgusting. He gets defensive if its mentioned though so I cant imagine him ever sorting that out. One of his mates was taking the mick last week saying he looked like the crazy frog (with the missing tooth) but then said his teeth were too yellow to be the crazy frog Angry

Last week he stayed with us for a week and I was getting so wound up by his habits but they all seem too petty to mention, for instance he had a bit of a cold and everytime he sneezed he just directed at the wall without putting his hand over his mouth and then just laughed when he heard it "hit" the wall (this is in my house). Another thing, we got some chips from the chippy and he started having a coughing fit (again from the cold) and he was coughing and spluttering directly onto his chips and then just ate them afterwards. He's also lazy, he stays in bed until gone dinner time if he's not at work and the bedroom stinks in a morning as he's constantly farting etc (probably due to the crap he eats).

He embarrases me saying the most stupid things to complete strangers, for instance he told one of the women at tesco that he'd been looking all over the place for condoms (might sound funny now but it wasnt at the time) and one time in Morrisons there was a sign covering another sign which made it look like it said "enlarge your p..." and yes, it looked funny but he went one further and pointed it out to the elderly checkout woman in front of a huge queue of people.

Please tell me if I am being petty? the more I see of him just lately the more wound up I get but when I think of what is actually annoying me it seems so daft and petty.

(I know I sound shallow going on about his appearance and I know I'm no oil painting but he does it to himself which is what annoys me)

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 23/04/2006 19:45

You are not being petty, he sounds like a disgusting, rude, foul pig.

moondog · 23/04/2006 19:47

Scooby,is this a joke????

CountessDracula · 23/04/2006 19:48

omg

I can;t believe you can have sex with someone like that

ScoobyGirl · 23/04/2006 19:49

I knew people would think it was a joke or a troll post....

But no it isnt, I could maybe have worded it better but I didnt want to 'tone it down' incase it made me seem petty.

OP posts:
arfy · 23/04/2006 19:49

um, read what you've written

then look at it as though you're somebody else reading it.

does that give you an answer? Not petty or shallow, not at all.

Socci · 23/04/2006 19:51

Apart from all that though he's great right?

Petty?!! Get rid of him - life is short!

ScoobyGirl · 23/04/2006 19:56

The thing is he really isnt a bad bloke, I dont think he realises sometimes how he comes across to other people. He's constantly buying me things and spends a big portion of his wages on me or coming to see me and I feel guilty just turning around saying "sorry but you're gross..." but it seems that as time goes on more of these habits become apparant.

The sneezing without covering his mouth has bothered me for a bit but this week I lost it with him and told him to cover his mouth and he just said a sarcastic "sooorry!" and covered his mouth the next couple of times and then stopped again.

Is there anything here I AM being a bit petty about or is all of it bad enough to get annoyed over? is it one thing that stands out or just all of it on a whole??

OP posts:
arfy · 23/04/2006 19:57

But what do you like about him? Is there enought that it's worth putting up with all that you describe?

Being 'not a bad bloke' is not really a great reason to be with someone! However guilty you might feel for your reasons, they're perfectly valid

beetroot · 23/04/2006 19:58

i think i might be sick

Carmenere · 23/04/2006 19:59

Scooby - if these things are annoying you now after just one year it's unlikely that they are going to get less annoying tbh. He does sound quite unattractive so maybe if you put a bit of time and space between you you might see the more positive things about him again.

sosickoftheweed · 23/04/2006 20:00

please - if he annnoys you this much BEFORE you live together ?????

Bye bye !

Find a better man :)

ScoobyGirl · 23/04/2006 20:02

Well I used to think he was a laugh but just lately he's moody, grumpy and doesnt seem able to take a joke so I cant even say that anymore.

This is what I mean, we dont seem suited and I really dont think we're going anywhere and life is too short to waste time...but then, Am I being harsh or unfair?

We have no common interests, we dont like the same music, we dont like the same food, we have different senses of humour (although in his defence not many people share my sense of humour..I have the sense of humour of a 6 year old!), he's into cars and thats it... he has no interest in travelling or doing anything other than watching tv and messing with cars.

But then, does any couple really have everything in common?? Am I just being picky? I really dont know anymore... I dont want to end up on my own forever due to looking for a mr right that doesnt exist.

OP posts:
Socci · 23/04/2006 20:03

And if you don't live with him now imagine how awful it would be to live with him. His breath must stink too - ewwwwwwwwwww.

I also think your children deserve a better role model than someone who has bad personal hygiene and appalling manners.

moondog · 23/04/2006 20:04

Get rid Scooby.
NOW!!!

beetroot · 23/04/2006 20:05

he is revolting. read your first post. his habits are utterly disgusting.

mumball · 23/04/2006 20:05

Do you love him though? Guilt is not a reason to stay with someone. I think you should run away fast!

Tipex · 23/04/2006 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arfy · 23/04/2006 20:05

you can't stay with someone because you don't want to be on your own - is one the worst reasons to stay with someone!

Seriously, if you were reading this if someone else had written it, you'd be wondering why on earth they were together. you are not being picky.

NomDePlume · 23/04/2006 20:05

He sounds grotesque, not just physically. I think you know the answer to your question, don't you ?

End it now, whilst the relationship is still in it's infancy, before he moves in or whatever.

Carmenere · 23/04/2006 20:06

Would you like someone to stay with you even though they are repulsed by you just because they are scared of being lonely?
I'm sure there is someone out there for him and more importantly for you.
If love was part of this equation his personal habits wouldn't bother you quite so much.

nutcracker · 23/04/2006 20:07

Recipe for disaster by the sounds of it.

End it now before it's too late.

Excuse me whilst I LOL at me giving relationship advice.

snafu · 23/04/2006 20:08

Run away! Run away!

Seriously. You should still be at the 'can't keep my hands off him' stage. Not the 'can't bear to be anywhere near him' stage.

Caligula · 23/04/2006 20:11

You are not being petty at all. Self-neglect is revolting and if he neglects himself like this, eventually he'll neglect you and any children you may have.

Get rid. Really. It sounds like living with Fungus the Bogeyman

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