Please stop me from texting him

[SorryMyLollipop]

I have been with my BF for 8 months. We normally talk every night and see each other for most of the weekend plus a night or two during the week. We spent Christmas and new year together, we have met each other?s families/DC etc.

He is lovely, kind, caring etc but not very effusive. Since resuming our normal lives after new year we have seen less of each other due to; his shifts, his car trouble, things to do with his family (so all reasons from him iyswim).
Last week I was a bit miffed because he wasn?t responding much to my texts (not overly unusual , he prefers talking to texting but some acknowledgement would have been welcome).

Last weekend he came over for one night, at my suggestion. This weekend I don?t have my DC and prior to xmas would probably have spent Friday evening until Sunday morning at his. Last night, when we were chatting on the phone, he seemed to be persuading me to see more of my friends this weekend.

He also said that he would ring me tonight and hasn?t.

It seems quite clear to me that he is cooling things down/backing off etc. However, in the early days when I thought this, and backed off in response, he got really upset as he was waiting for me to ring him etc and thought I was cooling off on him. We sorted that out and now, because 9/10 times he phones me, I sometimes phone him while waiting for his call, just to reassure him etc. Tonight I didn?t.

I want to text him for some reassurance, but I also want to be strong and not needy.

I am having treatment for anxiety and depression at the moment (due to issues with my DC) so I don?t know if I am thinking straight. Equally he could be finding this difficult, esp if he wants to end things.

If I text him, I will then be on tenterhooks all night waiting for a response and he has been known to leave his phone in the car all night before.

Life is too short to play mind games and to try and second guess someone else's thoughts. Ring him. If he doesn't andwer, leave a message. Tell him how you're feeling. If he doesn't get back to you by tomorrow lunchtime, he's not a keeper.

Don't text. You know you shouldn't. TBH if he said he'd ring tonight and didn't then texting him looks a bit desperate and as though you are chasing him. If he is starting to cool off this could be the thing that makes him decide just to call it a day with you. If he gets upset you can simply point out that he said he'd phone you.

Well, as you have been with him 8 months and not 8 weeks, in my opinion it is perfectly acceptable to call him on this.

Not via text though. Choose a time tomorrow and call him. And be to the point. ' You seem to be cooling off because of blah blah blah. I don't really want to play games so wondered if we needed to talk? ' or something like that.

Bite the bullet and just ask him. Anything else is just second guessing and causing more anxiety for you. Also bear in mind that it is his actions that count - if he not calling you when he says he will or spending time with you, then I think that speaks volumes.

You probably deserve better.

I really am trying to stop myself from texting, I had an embarrassingly needy wobble a few weeks ago (due to issues with my Dc) and he was lovely and reassuring etc but I suppose I am trying to convince everyone (and myself) that i am more capable than I am.

I know if he's a keeper, then it wouldn't scare him off anyway, but I am scaring myself at the moment because of all the stuff going down and am trying to get by without focussing on the crap stuff because that's the only way I feel that I can survive (apparently, according to my counsellor, I am too upset for counselling at the moment)

The problem with phoning him is that I know I will break down and cry on the phone. Texts seem easier to handle somehow.

How are things going with him today? Have you heard from him at all?

Well, it turns out that he wasn't cooling off. He was just being inconsiderate. I didn't hear from him until last night, I rang him, he was normal/chipper and surprised that I was upset he hadn't called or even texted after saying he would ring me. It's not the first time, and he knows it upsets me.

He said I was giving him the silent treatment on the phone so I explained that I was upset and just thinking.

He asked me some questions about my day, I didn't feel like talking so he called me a "difficult cow".

Yes, my "boyfriend" called me a difficult cow.

I said "don't call me a difficult cow, that's really rude!!" and put the phone down on him.

Well done lollipop for calling him on that rudeness & hanging up, rather than (eg) bursting into tears, asking him why he said that, etc, all of which would have been easy things to say when upset. Relationship over, now, I hope? He's shown his true colours & they're not pretty.

Indeed. Can't see anyway back from this