worried about my pregnant friend, her crumbling marriage and the other man...

[gremmalinz]

this is going to be long winded and rushed sorry.

Very worried about my best friend, she's pregnant (husband's baby), her husband did something VERY scumbaggy towards the end of last year and their marriage is all but over, they're in separate bedrooms and she's consulting with a solicitor.

A couple of weeks ago she showed me the string of text messages she'd been sending and receiving from a single man she's met, through her DC, She didn't let on she was pregnant for a couple of weeks but when she finally told him, he said he already knew and had done before he got her number (god knows what was going through his head) anyway after texting for a couple of weeks, they met, apparently he did some odd kiss thing, not a proper date kiss but a lingering kiss on the lips he then said goodbye but turned around and came back and did the same kiss again, so obviously more than a goodbye kiss and said it was him trying to restrain himself . Things quietened down on both sides, she decided he was playing some strange game, though they are still talking normally when she sees him, which she does quite a bit.

I don't really have any right to be pissed off, but she was quite clearly vulnerable, he knew she was pregnant, knew she was separating from her DH yet still decided to approach her and then back off. I can't tell if she is okay, she won't speak about it AT ALL, if I mention him she refuses to engage (not a good sign, she needs to talk through everything). Think I'm worried that she's going to plunge into PND straight after the birth at this rate . She might be completely fine, but I've known her for 20 years and she's a deep thinking, brooding type.

What do I do? Stop mentioning him? I want to give her advice but I have no idea what he was thinking! And no idea what she was thinking either TBH, she's usually the one with her head screwed on and this is really uncharacteristic of her. Sorry its rushed and disjointed, I'm stuck at work and posting from a tiny web book.

What do you do? Take three or four big steps backwards and keep your beak well and truly out. :) If she asks your opinion give it honestly but if she doesn't talk about it, she really doesn't want to know what you think. I expect she'a having a lot of fun.

Thanks Cogito... Do you think? I think she was having a lot of fun to begin with, but not so much now.

Having been type-cast my whole life with descriptions like 'sensible', 'deep thinking' and 'head screwed on' I know very well how a shitty experience can make someone want to throw caution to the wind, stop being so respectable and bloody well LIVE a little! Might be the biggest mistake of her life. Might be the thing that still makes her giggle when she's seeing out her days in an old folks home.

I think that's where she's at.

i see your point but she hates game playing, doesn't stand for any shit and he's clearly feeding her a load of bull, the way she described the kissing made me want to punch him on her behalf!!

she doesn't seem half as pissed off as I am, I might need to take a leaf out of her book!

I don't understand what your issue is with the kissing.

What's a "proper date kiss"?

the texts i've seen read like neither of them have any intentions of crossing the line, she's pregnant and he mentioned his internet dating, but then he kisses her .

She's having problems with her DH ("marriage all but over"), pregnant by him, got DCs as well and already onto a next relationship?

Well, whatever floats your (her) boat. She sounds like a teenager actually.

I'd keep well out of it.

Why are you so involved in it anyway?

You both sound like teenagers....

she's not in a relationship with him, that's the point! They got close, both backed off and now she's gone funny and won't discuss it.

gremma the texts mention nothing because they are both probably just trying to be careful, as in she is married and does not want her husband to find any suspicious texts, but they've obviously been doing loads of flirting when they see each other.

I can see why you're worried, as long as you've given her your opinion as her dear friend, there's nothing else you can do.

and I'm involved because she's my best friend and I'm worried about her, I've already said this is totally out of character for her, not sure if it's her marriage break down that's sending her funny or what but I'm scared she's going to crash and burn after the baby is born and end up with PND or something.

Be there for her then x after the baby is born.

Perhaps she is embarrassed about being taken in by a player, feels bad that she kissed another man when she is still officially with her husband and would rather just pretend it didnt happen. So everytime you bring it up she is cringing and thinking "Shut the fuck up!!!! It didnt happen! LA LA LA LAAAAAA!"

Back off, let her know that you are there for her as she goes through her marriage break up and when the baby comes. Then, in the nicest possible way, STFU!

If I've read this correctly, your friend's marriage is on the rocks, she's pg by her stbxh, and she's indulged in a couple of lingering smackers with an om.

So?

Do you have reputation as a doom monger soothsayer to protect?

It seems you are mostly bothered by her refusal to discuss it with you. She doesn't have to you know, she's entitled to her privacy and the fact that she's pregnant and you friend doesn't affect that.

I think the only thing you can do to help as her friedn is to be there if she does want to talk. In your situation I would organise a day out, even just a trip to look at baby things or have tea and cake somewhere, spend more time with her, thats probably where the whole thing has come from... She is probably lonely and terrified and clinging to any attention she gets. Spend time with her and dont pressure her to talk. If she needs to chat, she will, and it might give her that little boost to help her realise she doesnt need this guy, who sounds odd anyway.