DO I KNOW IT OR IS IT A CASE OF I KNEW IT?

[lolaflores]

I think I posted before about my DH and a woman at the school gates.One of her first pronouncements to me was "I don't like women".... She made her intentions towards him more than obvious at more than one opportunity, quite the brazen bitch. I told DH, this one is up to no good, keep well clear. So fine.

I spoke with another mutual friend who told me This Person is "obsessed" with my DH!

So, I texted him with this little nugget thinkinghe would txt back or ring saying something along the lines of "Oh dearie me. what a silly thing or some such"
Radio silence since 4.30 and no response to other text.

I am now twisting my own melon as to whether or not he reciprocated or [fill in the blanks]. I have been recovering from surgery the last 3 months, we have been ok, but ....but.....I have this horrible feeling. help me calm down

Is he busy at work? Did the SMS definatly send? I think you need to see him and speak to him before you jump to any conclusions. Sorry that you've met such a horrid person though, meeting someone like that would likely unsettle me. Why are some people so appalling? Aren't they embarrassed! Good luck, I really hope he is just busy.

Erm.... I'm a bit confused, but I may be missing something or another thread you posted about this?

Some more background might be useful. Can you explain about the times when 'She made her intentions towards him more than obvious at more than one opportunity'? And how did he react?

Unless you have any REAL reason to think something is happening/has happened, he is probably just busy. An hour and a half isn't very long to not reply to a text!

He is a busy man at work and doesn't always get to reply.
Reply now, doesn't seem to be that worried. so perhaps all is well...

I have MH problems to boot and this sort of shit gets my dougnut rolling something wicked. To say I worry is an understatement.

She upset me sufficiently a few months ago to feel that I needed a word with DH> He didn't seem to be aware of her and was surprised at my reaction. WHich may have been all of it. Oh fuckity fuck

Do you have any reason not to trust him? Do they have contact now? I would assume not.

Unfortunately men are generally unaware of these women! It's always the types that say 'I don't like women' or 'Women don't like me' that get our backs up.

If your DH has never done anything to make you doubt him, you should trust him. I do understand how it feels when you have MH issues and how it can reflect back onto relationships - I've been there too.

HOWEVER, this is no excuse for the way you treat your DH. He has done absolutely nothing wrong, and yet (for your own personal reasons, I am not belittling them at all) you do not trust him. This can be very very painful for him. I have also been on the receiving end of this and it affected me a lot.

This man loves you. He chose to marry you because he adores you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Trust him. It is hard to do, I know. All of your emotions are in one person's hands. This person has the power to completely break you, and it's terrifying! It takes a while but it is something you must do yourself. It is nothing to do with him - you are simply reflecting your own feelings onto him and this is not fair. I have learnt this myself.

It may help if I knew what sort of MH problems you have - although I do understand if you do not want to divulge them on here.

I am bi polar and in the middle of a bit of a cycle, which includes paranoia and feelings of self loathing. Not the best place to be in to hear about her obsession. I do trust him totally. I do not trust her. There is old issues for me regarding a previous relationship which bit me on the arse out of the blue. So it is my own baggage really and I am wrong to project it on him. I just want him to come home so we can talk.

What do you want to talk about?
What is it you want him to say?

Why did your 'friend' tell you this?

So its come at a bad time for you, okay. How understanding is your DH about your illness and how is your relationship generally? If something has been going on then I'm pretty sure you would have felt even a small change in him or the relationship. If you really haven't then its probably just your own worry. In that case the stupid woman just needs ignoring.

I see, that makes sense. Sorry to hear that you must be very stressed.

The first stage is recognising the projection and you've done that. It's difficult to explain to people who don't understand. Your feelings are not wrong but they have to be dealt with in the right way.

I don't blame you at all for not trusting this woman!! And I understand the issues from a past relationship - but your DH is not like him, I'm certain from what you've said.

He probably didn't know how to react to the text, and when you mention things about her. It will come across to him as if you don't trust him. He may feel as though whatever he says, it will be wrong and so it is easier to avoid talking about it!

When will he be home?

Have a big cuddle and a chat, and hopefully now that you've calmed down you will be able to explain yourself more clearly, and why you react the way you do. And he will reassure you, and you MUST listen to him. You can tell him what he could do to help, but nothing really unreasonable. Because it is your issue - not his. It isn't even an issue which you both share. And so it is down to you to sort it yourself, just with his support. And I am sure he will not hesitate to help.

Pretty Polly and others have given you great advice.
You've got some great expressions lolaflores and have made me laugh.
Sorry you are feeling like this.

Dh always comes home late, works with many attractive, single women too.

After I ask him 'who is she?' etc etc I tell him that I do trust him and just get a little insecure from time to time ( I work with ancient men who are old enough to be my grandfather and I think he trusts me!)
Hope you have a good chat.

I need reassurance really. I want him to tell me "don't be silly" all the usuals. We have been together 13 years and I have never felt insecure. It is my beliefe because I am in a very low mood it is compounding somethign that I might otherwise laugh off.

The friend told me this as a heads up. I assured I had already got my suspiscions about The Person and It wasn't a total surprise what she was doing. Other than that I have no knowledge that she ever put the moves on him. He has said that she didn't and I believe him. When I am in this state doesn't take alot to rock my boat

I am sorry you are feeling so low.

But you need to realise all the reassurances from your dh are not going to help. He is working and can not always be available because your friend says someone fancies him.

He needs to be able to concentrate on work.

why did your friend need to give you the heads up? It doesn't really matter whether she has a crush or is obsessed. If your trust him her feelings are meaningless. You don't need to warned that another women fancies him, because you trust he won't cheat.

If he understand bipolar disorder - and I assume he has a fairly decent grasp on it - he will understand.

Something even as minor as this can cause you to go spiralling downwards so so quickly. You have to recognise it for what it is - it's a trigger, that's all - and learn to pre-empt things like this. There is no reasoning for it, but it is what it is and it just gets in the way of life unfortunately.

Deep breaths. You will get through it!