When you think you have moved on then feel back to square one...

[atallskinnylatte]

So, after being with H 13 yrs, separated 2009, divorced 2012.. 1 ds... then had new relationship, pregnancy, miscarriage, abusive at times and recently split.. i feel back to square one.. dont know who i am anymore, what i am working towards... in fact at times feel nothing, completely numb and distracted. Exh met new lady 14 yrs older than me.. coming to terms with her spending time with our son. I have a toxic mother, hardly existent relationship with my mother and my father has a life i hardly know about however am closer to him (they divorced when i was young).. where do i fit?, how do i move on and what am I aiming towards? apart from of course bringing up and providing for my son... i feel lost :-(

I suspect what is most upsetting is not so much that you're back where you started but that your exH has so successfully moved on. It always hurts when you feel like you got the shitty end of the stick and others come up smelling of roses.

I think you probably have to look to yourself rather than others for your 'fit' in life and for a sense of purpose and fulfilment. You have no ties to your parents, no partner getting in the way any more and just your DS to consider. So you've got the opportunity some would give their right arm for i.e. a fresh start and genuine independence.

What would you like to do next? Have there been any dreams down the years that you've put on hold? Any ambitions? Places you'd like to go? Things you'd like to do?

Spend some time thinking it all through then, and ask yourself about the impact it has all had on your life....I'd do a page per person or issue.....and then think about what you have lost, had to do, not done, etc.....and then who it has turned you into... what sort of person....and then what sort of person you would like to be, and work out how to get there.....don't just drown in the mire. That's what I would do anyway. Learn new skills in living. If you are working towards being loved by someone, that one you cannot control, so enjoy your life in the meantime and find some proper meaning for your own self without a man. One will show up eventually, be a woman who chooses wisely. I would imagine you have self esteem issues from everything you have said - and that is a lovely one to work on. Start by saying at night 'I am pleased with myself today because ...' and come up with 10 reasons. And say the line before each reason. I have this stuck by my bedside table so I see it when I get into bed and it is often in my space. Also really watch your behaviour, your choices. Don't watch yourself do thoughtless things and then wonder why life goes awry. Sounds like you need a hug and a good talk as well so go and see one of your girl friends, one you can talk to properly and if you dont have anyone like that, og to your nearest childrens centre and ask to spend an hour with one of the staff members. They would be delighted I'm sure x