Just after any advice if possible please, will try and keep it short.
In Oct last year dp was made redundant we had just had ds2 who was a month old and dp was working all hours doing extra jobs for more money that we needed, he was never at home and (I should have saw it then but didnt) had no bond with ds2.
In Nov he went to a friends house for a get together to say goodbye to some workmates, he got v v drunk and a girl came onto him, he didnt say no! She gave him oral! (I will add that this girl knew he was engaged and had just had a baby, who does that!)
Anyhow he didnt tell me and the following week went on a huge downward spiral, wouldnt talk to me or the kids completley shut himself out it was awful. Me not knowing packed his bags and told him to leave, he did which shocked me! He didnt bother with the children and just stayed at his mums, it was all v odd, a week later I found out what had happened and was heartbroken but in terrible shock (we have been together 8 years and I just never thought he would have done this) He came round i tried to talk but it was just like he was dead behind the eyes he had no emotions whatsoever, even with the children. A couple of weeks later we had a good talk he was crying alot on the phone to me but wasnt pressuring me to get back with him etc just saying how hes a failure and he hates his life, wanted to do something terrible etc. I managed to get him to go drs where he was diagnosed with severe depression :(
I decided to try again and he has improved alot, he's bonded with ds2 and spends more time with him than i do, hes been the perfect partner and has spoke to someone at hospital and is on anti depressants.
However it's me whose the problem I cannot seem to get it out of my head what he has done to me, I know it's early days and this is normal but I can be fine one day and just think to myself that this wouldnt have happened if he wasnt depressed in the first place and that I should get on with enjoying life etc. But then other days I can be difficult and constantly think about it and I know i deserve better, I want to end it when I feel like this I see no point in us the trust has gone and I feel like the only reason i stayed was because of the children. However I do love him but I also hate him at the same time for putting me through all this weeks after having ds2, I just dont know if Im making a mistake.
I can now see how down he was before this happened he was working long hours and never saw us, he had no bond with ds2 (when he was asked his d.o.b at hosptial he didnt even know and said he broke down) then the redundancy and I think life just got too much for him, he got wasted and made a huge mistake! He's told me it's the biggest mistake in his life and he regrets it everyday and still feels like a failure.
But how do I move on from this, how do I become more positive?
I do love the man he was he was the perfect partner and I dont want to throw away 8 good years for 1 mistake which wouldnt have happened but I cannot seem to move forward?