Crazy Mother in Law

[robdan]

Hi all

I will try to giv u the short story but it will still be long as so much has happened.

My mil has always bin abit crazy n abusive towards me but it has
Got worse since I had my daughter, my daughter used to stay at hers
Most wkends since she was 4 months n she's now 1 n it was ok
But recently my dd has come home wiv flea bites all over her and we keep
Trying to sort it out but she wudnt listen and I tak dd to docs everytime and
They say they def flea bites and that if she keeps getting them questions will be
Asked as to why she keeps getting sent there.
I explained this to mil and offered to pay for the council to come out to hers
To de-flea her house and she flatly refused her cat/house has fleas
So I sed dd will never come back here again she did not like that and called and left nasty
Voicemail calling me all names under sun
She rang on wens wiv a perfetic sorry n sed she wud be rnd sat
She does this all the time she goes crazy then finks its guna be ok jus to cum rnd n everyfink will be sorted
So this time I let her cry sum of her crocidile tears sayin how I insulted her saying her house was
Dirty which I did not say
Then I told her how she maks me feel n how I don't want my dd to witness so much negativity
Towards me as its not the life I want for her as I went thru all this in my childhood
Last year my dd had nappy rash n was stayin at mil she rang my partner n told him she finks I'm
Sexually abusing my dd and that she was goin to call police so we went to pick her up straight away
Wen we got there she was badly drunk n I jus sed pls get my d n she punched me n my partner
Had to get dd out as quick as poss as mil was badly beating me I felt I cudnt do nufin bk as she's
65
i Know that i should of never of let my dd go back to hers after this but she is very manipulative and knows how to wrap me round her lil finger.
i feel like a terrible mother for letting her go back there and thats why now i feel i can never have her in my or dd life as she is vindictive and malicious and will pass on her abuse to my dd.

I mentioned this situation on fone and sed I will never trust or hav respect for her cuz of this
And she send she don't need respect from a skank like me n I deserved wot I got haha

i have disconnected my home phone and when i re-connect it she has still left voicemails saying 'i am checking to see if you guys are ok', i know that she is just trying to worm herself back in again because my partner dont work weekends and she had the whole weekend to call while he was at home but she always calls when hes at work so she can try and get at me because she know im softer than my oh he will not listen to her.

so i am giving up on her i dont know what more i can do because all i get is abuse and she and his step-dad constantly put me down in front of dd and i dont want dd to think thats ok i mean when oh step-dad was down for xmas he drank 24 bottles of wine in a wk and thinks thats ok to do in front of dd aaaahhhhhhh these people are really horrible
when we went to visit them i walked in to her home they both ignored me and turned their backs and didnt even say hello they was talking to oh about how well dd has turned out and how much of a good job hes doing??????????
HE WORKS FULL TIME, im the one bringing her up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also his dad a english teacher and my dd say HIYA to everyone instead of hello and he and mil said that its a comman way to greet people and that i should speak prober english and not be so common

This woman is crazy and I'm scared of her n scared she's guna cum rnd I jus really dnt wanna let her in
But I also feel bad cuz its his mum but he's supportive and is standing by me
I'm sad cuz my dd has a bond wiv her n all she has to do is be normal less abusive
And open door to pest plp.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh so stressful
Please advice wud be great

sorry for big rant im just really angry and upset and it just turning round and round in my head and driving me crazy

I would not let my child be looked after by these people.

1. The fleas
2. The alcohol whilst caring for her
3. The sexual abuse thing is v worrying. Why would she even think that? This would make me never want her to have my child alone.
4. Being neg towards you in front of your child.

Maybe meet her on neutral ground from now on eg walk in park and quick cuppa. But no long get togethers anymore. And definitely no letting your child stay alone at her house.

Sorry,couldn't understand most of that.
What is the actual issue?

She sounds awful. You are right in keeping your daughter away from her house.
What does your dp think about all this? Do you have his support? Can he talk to her and ask her to back off?

What other child care options do you have? How old is your daughter now?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to understand your situation a bit more.

Starblu, dont be so rude, the op is perfectly readable.

It's ok to say "no" to people, robdan, even a MIL.

It's OK not to let her in if she comes round, if you don't want to see her.

It's OK not to pick up the phone when she calls, or if she calls and you pick up to interrupt with "It's not convenient for me to talk right now", or even "I don't want to discuss this with you" and to put down the phone.

Basically, she is a bully. The only thing you can do is NOT engage with her insanity, just stay away from it, and learn how to say "no" and to follow your own needs instead of what she wants you to do.

Also, I hope you are committed to not letting her mind your DD anymore. She is a violent drunk whose home is a health hazard. Your DD should not be left in her care (nor should this woman be allowed in your house).

I'm not being rude,I found the op hard to read.
I said I didn't understand and asked what the issue is.
Maybe you find text speak such as that easy to read,good for you.

Robdan you say that your OH ignores her when she starts, but will he actually pull her up on her behaviour or is he of the 'oh just ignore her and she'll stop' variety?
He needs to be actually seen to be supporting you, even though you know he does, she needs to see it too.
And if she's attacking you especially in front of your daughter you need to consider phoning the police. It's hard I know but this can't continue.

You are so being rude Starblue. Bit patronising. It isn't Greek, you just need to adapt a little, tis all

thanks all for your comments
i understand i was stupid letting her go back there and i will never let daughter any where near her or oh step dad again they are just too negative and abusive.

PureQuintessence- my partner is 100% supportive and says he stands by me as he doesnt like his mum, its been me who has made him contact her over the years because i thought he needed his mum but now i understand why he never wanted her in his life, my daughter is 15 months old

HotDAMNlifeisgood- i feel committed not to let in our lifes anymore as she is so destructive and abusive

Flobbadobs- my oh does speak up to her and stand up for me but it always ends up sour and she mentally tortures him its so sad to see and i dont want our daughter to go through the same as that so i am glad i have finally stood up and taken a stand against her.

thanks all for your understanding comments they help me loads im feeling stronger everyday and i will never let that woman in my life again

starblue- i was angry and upset so my words wasnt spelt correctly and i was rushing typing so it might not make much sense
i am already made to feel i am stupid and common i didnt expect someone to make me feel like it on somewhere i wanted support from

I think you need to be lead by your OH's attitude to his mother then. You've done your bit, you've tried to let MIL have a relationship with her grandchild and it isn't working for anyone. I think you can hold your head up and say that you tried.

Robdan-I'm sorry but I did find your op very hard to understand.nowhere did I imply you are stupid or 'common'-a word I detest and would never call anyone.I made no comment on your spelling,I said I found it hard to understand and I did.I'm allowed to say that you know!

If you have a nice, normal mother (or even a nice eccentric one like mine was!) it's hard to understand the awful relationships some people have with their mothers. So you tried to build bridges, like a kind person, not a stupid one. But clearly she isn't the sort of person who responds well to being treated well. You tried, she threw it back in your face, not your fault, and now MIL loses out.

You say your DD has a bond with her, but actually it's better if they don't have a bond when the grandmother is such a toxic old... swear-word.

You have been a very kind partner and daughter in law trying to make a relationship between dps mum and your family work. It is not working. Instead of returning the kindness, your mil has been nasty and spiteful to you, and not taking good care of her grandchild, your daughter. Good to hear that your husband supports you. I think it is time to turn over a new leaf.

As Anniegetyourgun says, let your dp lead the way regards to contact with his family. He knows her. My mother was also a normal, kind, loving and nurturing mum, so it is difficult to reconcile our own experiences with people whose parents have not been so. Dont feel guilty for cutting contact. Your daughter is only young, and so precious. She does not need such negative experiences in her life.

thanks for all your support its bin amazing and has helped me loads
I feel strong and determined to keep her outta our lifes
I don't want my daughter to have same upbringing as me and my partner and I'm guna make sure she is happy and not abused and looked down upon

Thanks again ur all brilliant xxx

Good Luck!