I Feel Really Close To Running Away!!! (looooong sorry)

[bloodyhellimanamechanger]

I cannot belive I am changing my name when I have always said I never would Dh has started to use computer straiht after me and I am worried I may leave this site on and visable to him.

Ok ladies I have actualy got to the pint of wanting to run away Not because I don't love him or because he is violent (he isn't). He is 99% of the time a perfect dad so I can't complain there and I know when I write this I am going to look back at it and think what a stupind wimp of a woman

We seperated before a few years ago for a year and got back together coz I realised I di want to be with him and everything has been great. Had another child a couple of years back and now its all falling apart

I feel like he is only putting up with being with me because of the kids, I know I would never leave again and I know he won't and although I think deep down we love each other it seems like we are just plodding along I feel so sad all the time even though I cover it realy well and appear happy to relatives and friends. He isn't working because I am goign back to work but I don't even want to do that now.

I find myself shouting at the kids and wanting to be by myself but when I leave for example to go for a walk I just want to be with them

He doesn't see a problem at all and thinks I am just a miserable moody cow And the thing is I am!!

The worst thing is I feel like I am to blame when I know it is both of us. I have to shut mysef away to cry so he doesn't think I am being a drama queen. Blimey crying now coz it suddenly all comes out when you write it down

We are both hot tempered and have verbal arguements but never phsical although I am highly tempted to hit him with his golf clubs!
I just feel like we are not giving our children the best we can.

Don't know what I expect from writing this maybe just a release of emotions unable to show in RL.

Well done if you got this far

oooh, I feel like this too. Married to a lovely bloke and blame myself too. Quite a common feeling. Have you had postnatal depression in the past?

Lol Yes I have and dh always blames this I know there could still be some mild depression there but not enough to explain why life in our house is so shite at the moment.

aaahh, well i came to the conclusion that we both suffered after having our Son. Problem is that sooooo much time is spent on the kids that you dont get time for yourselves. I felt just like you and even found him a flat to rent! I did discover that although it is difficult to get sitters for the kids a few nights out and I re discovered the man I married. We are sooooooo totally different out of our own family environment. It took this to make me realise that I still have feelings for him but I never found the time to actually show him, you know, knackered, unwell, busy all that stuff. Have you tried re-kindling the fire by getting out. At first it feels a bit false and alien but you may find that man again!!!

it does sound like you're mildly depressed to me. would you consider counselling?

We do go out sometimes and are going away soon so maybe that will help.

Counselling maybe an idea but I feel like it might open issues I want to keep buried

Are you going away with out the tiddlypeeps though?

Without

There you go, you're smiling already, job done, NEXT.

Nah, im being flippant, I know these are all quick fixes but it keeps it going. I think that once the children are a little more independant we are gonna have some reeeaaal fun, I hope!!

lol wish it was that easy. To be honest I think writing it down help to see it isn't as bad as it feels.

ah well thats good then, I'm off to feed the family (not a clue what im gonna do yet) keep yer pecker up. xxxxxxx

go to counselling honey- yes it will open up feelings you may want to bury but they find a way to seep out anyway and eat away at you- possibly what's happening now!
You would not think twice about taking your car to a garrage for a professional to look it over if it were running but not quite right then why not give yourself the same break. seeking professional advice to help you deal with emotions or issues from your past is a strength not a weakness. You deserve peace of mind. My personal mantra is "confront your demons" otherwise they leap out on you when you are not ready- if you face them and learn how to deal with them then they are no longer so scary...if you get my meaning! help yourself to help your family.

I feel ike this some times.I have good days and I have bad days.But there have been a few times where i felt like packing my bags the only thing that stops me is fear.