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Original poster

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11 replies

50shadesofvomit · 21/01/2013 12:48

I recently posted another thread about my h having an affair and have name changed so please don't out me!

I did another pg test and still negative. Why does my period never come when I need it to?

I saw another thread on MN today that mentioned how today was Blue Monday. I feel really low and angry.It's so hard for me to pretend everything is ok in front of the kids. It's got to the point that I have started self harming again. (I self harmed as a teen 20 years ago) The only thing stopping me from doing worse is the kids. They are so happy and lovely and I really don't want to drag them down with me.

I wish I could be like my h and detach from this situation. He is being a better Dad to the kids but he is being EA to me. He ranges from bringing home wine and saying what a good friend I am to blanking me. I can't wait until I can get out of here. I think he's already meeting people online and dating. He's being secretive and weird again. I'm not jealous but it would have been nicer if he had at least waited until I was gone and not rubbed it in my face. I have woken up to the fact that he is a total and utter cunt and that he is just like my EA mum who I have no contact with.

The only positive at the moment is that my size 10 trousers are falling off me so I went to the shops and had to buy an 8! I have lost over a stone in 3 weeks.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/01/2013 12:58

What's stopping you leaving (or him leaving) currently?

Original poster
50shadesofvomit · 21/01/2013 13:01

Money. I need housing benefit to kick in before I can rent a new place and he has nowhere else to live.

The house is big enough that he can have his own room but I need Tax Credits etc for living expenses too,

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/01/2013 13:10

You're stressed, not well, losing weight and I think, even if he claims to have nowhere to go, you have to engineer something so that you get him out. Push a few buttons if you have to, make his life uncomfortable, stop allowing him to detach .... obviously keeping your safety in mind.... and bring things to a head. Are you talking to solicitors?

Original poster
50shadesofvomit · 21/01/2013 15:15

We haven't got solicitors involved yet.

He has agreed to fair (CSA guidelines) of maintenance and a fair equity split and we agree on the amount of child access. Part of me is dubious that he'll book leave to coincide with school holidays but I will be insisting.
I don't want to be nasty but as he's already shagging new people I am thinking of telling him to go and live with his mum and drive 250 miles a day to work.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/01/2013 16:04

'Nasty' is what he's doing to you in your own home.... It's making you ill. Telling him to leave would be 'assertive' in the interests of your mental and physical wellbeing. Self-preservation in the face of utter contempt.

Original poster
50shadesofvomit · 26/01/2013 22:51

Just an update.
Still getting negative pregnancy tests and no period.

I have disengaged considerably from xh. I'd never ever take him back and ow is welcome to him. I know that he is definitely cheating on ow. (Not with me!!) even though he's told her that he's never cheated before their affair Hmm

I feel very low about how this situation has been forced on me. I wish we could have split with no affairs, gaslighting and drama. My friends tend to be mutual friends with xh and they have been favouring him over me so finding new friends has to be a very high priority right now.

On the other hand I can't wait to move out. I won't have to put up with his EA and spendthrift ways.

OP posts:
MusicForTheMasses · 27/01/2013 08:03

I founf out about m STBXH's affair in June (survived through MN!) but at one point went 14 weeks without a period. The Doctor says it was the stress of it all. I'm sure it's probably the same for you. Have you lost weight too? x

Original poster
50shadesofvomit · 29/01/2013 03:31

I've lost weight. My size 10 jeans are too big- I managed to fit into a 6 in Next. Omg!

No period yet and will test on Friday. I don't think Im pg as I don't feel sick (I had terrible sickness with all 3 kids) but if I am I want to l know quickly.

OP posts:
SquinkiesRule · 29/01/2013 05:28

It's probably stress and weight loss delaying the period.
I know during a time of stress I lost a half stone and managed to miss two months in a row, got one then ended up pregnant with Ds.
Once he;s gone and you can relax in your own home your period will probably start.
Try to eat and not lose more.

Original poster
50shadesofvomit · 01/02/2013 17:27

Not got my period but I feel like its on its way- phew.

Xh has gone weird. After a chat with me he has realised that he is a gaslighting, emotionally abusive narcissist. He's taken it badly and said that ow is bearing the brunt of his discovery as I don't give a shit about him any more and the house is big enough for us to not see each other. He has been sulking that the affair is boring now it's public and he will be worse off because he has to pay maintenance and the kids know he's a dickhead. Is this a classic pattern? I don't feel sorry for him but Im surprised that he has no self awareness.

OP posts:
fiventhree · 01/02/2013 19:02

Is this a classic pattern? Feeling sorry for himself and less aware of your needs??

I'll say! If you look back , you may notice that was always the case ...

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