Devastated, I can't cope for much longer.

[Raspberryyogurt]

ExFiancé left me 7 weeks ago just out of the blue walked out on us, We had recently planned to TTC. I had to move back in with my parents which hasn't been the best of times.

I have a 16 month old DS and 2 days after my ex left I found out that I am pregnant with DC2.

He refuses to pay anything towards DS and I have only just changed the details over for CB to be payed to me as he refused to hand the details over and has kept the money since the split for himself.

I had my first midwifery appointment last week to be told that I will be consultant led and have extra scans, tests and be closely monitored which has scared me a bit as I just want the baby to be healthy but I can't help but worry. I have my first scan next week so I just hope that everything is okay.

Ex sees DS once every week/two weeks by choice.

I can't help but still feel completely devastated, I can't sleep at night, I cry everyday because of it and I worry about what will happen in the future while ex goes out when he wants, wherever he wants with no emotional attachment to me or DS or our baby. He has a car and I have been left without one as I needed to sell it to pay for a move whilst we were together.

He told me that he isn't interested in knowing anything about the baby as he would 'Have to talk to me' to find out so he just wants to see him/her when they are born. This broke my heart.

I am still completely in love with him, Please tell me this will stop.

I don't know how much more I can take, I just want him back.

I am so sorry, it all sounds like a nightmare.
I have no advice but didn't want you to feel alone.

I'm sorry you had the bad luck to be with such a cold-hearted, cruel man. When will it stop? When you realise just how badly you've been treated and, rather than feeling heartbroken, you start to get angry. To walk out on a family is bad enough. It takes a special kind of shit to lead someone down the path of marriage proposals, TTC and house moves (?) only to abandon them at the very last minute. 'In love' is a very irrational feeling in the circumstances .... I expect what you really want is for the last few weeks to not have happened at all.

I'm very glad you're with your family. They will naturally want to look after you but this is also a time when you're going to have to start taking charge of your life best you can. Too easy to disappear under the duvet, never to emerge otherwise

I'd strongly recommend that you start getting your finances in a row and thinking about things like maintenance for the children (via CSA if he's being an arse), some accommodation for your family and getting your hands on any joint money you may have had. You may not feel up to it at the moment but, by focusing on practical matters like this, it can be something positive in the gloom

Good luck

So sorry to read this. What an absolute shit. As you get stronger and more in control you will start to feel better. It isn't easy but you will get there and hopefully by then your weasel of an ex tries to win you back you can turn round, head held high and tell him to do one. Someone who can treat you so badly (I mean what type of an arse keeps child benefit for themselves when you have no money?!), does not deserve your love or loyalty. As soon as you can see this and move into the anger phase you are going to be so much better off!

I'd call Citizens Advise Bureau and get an urgent appointment. They are experts in advising what benefits you might be entitled to. Do you work? In any case you should be entitled to some help and they will help you apply for the ones you can get.

Good luck!

Oo OP...this must be awful for you. I completely agree with all Cogito has said.
When you get to the point of realising that any descent person wouldn't walk out on their family & behave in this way, then you will start to see him for the weasel he is & start moving forward.
You're lucky to have your family, who no doubt will support you emotionally through this difficult time.
Taking charge of your life, as it's you that's important here, will be a turning point for you feeling stronger. Take one step at a time.
..you won't be alone OP.

"he just wants to see him/her when they are born"

This is particularly cruel. He just expects you to go through the next few months totally alone and then grandly sweep in when it's all over and give the child a bit of a look-see? Like some visiting dignitary with a passing interest? I hope you've got him well down the list of people to tell when the time comes. The last thing you want after you've just given birth is someone playing Lord and Master....

When you say this came 'out of the blue' is that genuinely the case? I can't believe someone who is now behaving like an utter shit was perfectly kind & normal previously.

Hi all, very long time lurker here. I had to post after reading this :( I must say I have to agree with all that has been said by Cogito. Out of the blue surely cant be quite right surely?

He cannot NOT pay anything towards his Dc's. Get in touch with CSA as soon as possible.

I think being completely in love with him will wear off soon enough. What sparked this rapid exit? Don't for goodness' sake grovel to him, hoping he'll throw a few crumbs of comfort your way, or try to 'win him back'.

When you say your ex sees DS: is this at your parents' house, does he take him out? Are you confident he can handle him and look after him for, what, an hour? 2? Has he left you with debts? Is he supporting any other DCs from previous relationships?