Please Help Emotionally Abusive Partner Is Trying To Ruin My Life!!

[kandiizsweet]

Ok so i was with my ex boyfriend for about a year towards the end of the relationship his true colours came out an i realized that it was best for me to leave him, he's a very difficult person to deal with everything has to be his way an in his mind he is always right basically he's a complete narcissist an very controlling, used to always talk down to me like i was a child and made me feel incredibly low about myself every single day i was so miserable an depressed after all the emotional abuse so i decided to leave him after all he would blame me for everything so i would never have a say in any matter so i left, however i then found out i was pregnant of course i told him an i couldn't have an abortion i decided to keep the baby, ever since iv left him he's caused me nothin but stress, he threatens me on a regular basis says that he'll beat me up an to watch myself if things don't go his way an i get back with him, which is the last thing i want it has been very distressing for me especially with the threats he comes out with its so sick an disgusting he's even threatened to hurt me while im pregnant an does not show any remorse, iv called the police several times because of theses threats an there is not enough evidence to charge him because his threats have been through the phone, now that he stopped an gave up with the physical threats he would do anything to still cause stress he says that when the baby his born he will call social services on me because apparently im unfit so he will do anything to hurt me mentally an im so scared, if he does carry out these threats i have Noone on my side he has his family who he can manipulate into sticking up for him an i have nothin, throughout my whole pregnancy iv been terrified of what he would do when the baby is born. Will he eventually give up an move on hopefully? What shall i do if he does carry out these threats? Iv changed my number but i do feel bad for some strange reason because he's the father. HELP, he is not like other guys hes completly crazy his way of thinking is out of this world and he would really do anything to see me suffer, he has already said that he is going to call the benefit fraud hotline on my for commiting fraud when im not even on benefits and then said that he would do anything to get custody and to take my child away from me to hurt me, he said he would do this by telling people im unfit when im not, that i used to get abused when i was younger when i didint just all sorts of terrible mind boggleing threats, what would i do if this was to happen noone would be on my side, not the police not anyone, the things that he puts me through are so hard to explain because he does this is such a manipulative way, n like i said i felt bad for changing my number cos hes the childs father n felt like he had a right to be involved but i cant! hes horrible he probably dosent care about the baby, just really dont no what to do to protect my self or my unborn child, hes turned alot of people against me i just feel so alone.

Poor you, you sound at the end of your tether.

I don't know if this is any comfort to you, but his behaviour is completely classic, part of the script for abusive men: they all say that.

Have you phoned Women's Aid for Advice? Their number is 0808 2000 247.

I would also advise you contact the police again and ask to speak to their domestic violence liaison officer, and tell them everything you have told us here.

I hope you are not responding to any of his calls or messages. No contact, sustained over time, is the only appropriate response to abusers. It is also the best way for you to clear your head and find the peace of mind you need. Please create another email address and get another SIM card if you haven't already done so in order not to have to read any of his messages to you - they will do you no good.

Thankyou, i really am at the end of my thether, just feel so trapped even though hes not here, just dont want to be constantly watching my back or getting scared if anyone knocks at the door, i havent spoke to womens aid as of yet but i think now is the time, i reluctant to call the police again after serveral times of doing so and them looking at me like im crazy and then sayin theres not enough evidence, iv changed my number and all possible ways for me to contact me through, however he knows where i live, although hes never physically hit me before, with the threats the things hes been saying i think i would rather get beaten, it would hurt less thats for sure. thankyou for your advice, i just hope that he gets bored after a while and moves on.

How has he been threatening you? Phone text email? You need to write it all down or keep printed copies. Keep a diary. As others say give him zero response. I would even go so far as to deny I was pregnant if it was early stages or deny it was his. Any chance of moving?

While he may have a legal right to see his child once s/he is born he has no rights over you. You can refuse to have any contact with him at present and the police can and will warn him to keep his distance from you if he persists in bothering you. Also, his persistent harassment of you will count against him when it comes to getting a contact arrangement set up after the baby is born.

You can also draw this process out by not naming him on the birth certificate and denying he is the baby's father; there are all sorts of ways to stonewall an abusive man. THe main thing is to hold on to the knowledge that he is an arsehole, he doesn't have superpowers and whatever he says is unimportant. Talk to Women's Aid and the local police DV unit about ways to keep safe and stay free of harassment.

Hi op

As the police say there is no evidence to arrest him as yet, think of this in the reverse sense.

He is threatening to report you to SS as an unfit mum, and the evidence is? nothing right, nill nada its a threat, it has no power without evidence.

The threat to report to the benefits agencies, again refer to the above, no evidence, your not claiming so daft to even worry about that one.

he has stopped the physical threats because they werent getting him any where nothing changed for you or him, so he changed tact.

I you start seeing his threats as just that, they cant hurt you, its words treat them like white noise, boring and liable to send you to sleep with his constant jibber jabber. Dont put him on the birth certifcate, in fact get in touch with any and all local agencies womens aid etc, and make sure your support network is as strong as it can be.

You are pregnant and hormonal this makes you extra vulnerable, I garuntee when the baby is here you will feel ferociously protective over that child, and will do what ever it takes to minimise his impact. you can start taking those steps now, he is wearing you down and it has to stop now, he might not stop, but you can stop how you are letting this affect you. i would be telling everyone what he is doing and saying, so there is at least a path of breadcrumbs in case he decides to contact ss etc. Congrats your pregnancy hun, you will get through this, and we will be here every step of the way, your not alone.

x