Right. Someone please tell me to man up and grow a pair...

[horseygeorgie]

I don't even know if this is in the right place!

Situation is this - i am a barmaid. the new chef (see where were going here!?) started end of nov last year. my age, single, handsome (not fantastic teeth, but honestly i don't care!) and a really nice guy.
Now, i'm 28, single with a 16 month old DD. i am a size 16, tall, redhead. i haven't been 'with' anyone for a year and a half.

The chef and i have this amazing chemistry, honestly i have never felt anything like it in my life, and i'm no shrinking violet. i really, really, REALLY fancy the pants off this guy. at the works piss up a month ago we kissed, etc (didn't sleep with him) and it was downright amazing.

All good eh!?, nope, problem is, i KNOW this guy likes me, from things he has said etc. plus you get a feeling don't you. i'm 100% sure he likes me. The issue is me, i can't flirt to save my life. my standby is the 'get pissed, shag them then sort it all out tomorrow' kinda approach. now i'm having to work with him sober and i'm terrified. i've gone into schoolmarm approach, ultra professional and i know i'm giving off a stone wall 'i don't really like you it was a mistake' vibe. This wouldn't be a problem but i know, thanks to our deep and meaningful when pissed, that chef has confidence and self esteem issues (god knows why, he's gorgeous). I don't think he is going to be the one to make a move, so at this rate we could be here in 5 years time no further on.

So, lots of wine if you get this far through my drivel. how do i address this?!?! i'm so scared of being knocked back and having to work with him but something needs to happen cause the tension is palpable (and its driving me mad)! i can't understand why i'm all in a stew (and posting like a 15 year old) over a guy!

If you get knocked back it's no big deal- just remember he's not Mr Perfect. (Bad Teeth.)

But if you don't try then you'll never know...

But yes, have a kick up the bum!

Valentines day is coming up. Ask him out!

Send him a valentines card and ask him out

If you're 100% sure he likes you as you say just do it! What's the alternative? You can't carry on like this.

Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and he was being cool and distant after you had opened up and kissed - it would be hurtful and confusing even if you're not doing it intentionally.

Can you engineer an after work drink where you can bring it up in conversation and ask if he'd like a repeat?

thanks, you lot are fab.

ha, can't go out for valentines, both working. will not break into his house and do a samantha a la sex and the city sushi moment
faff, you are right. hadn't actually thought of it like that but it must be really hard to figure out. we still have a laugh etc, but all the fun cheekiness has been stamped on from my side. i must seem like a complete biatch.
True, no Mr Perfect. damn close though. very johnny depp. oddly enough, when he first started and one of the waitresses asked me what i though, the first thing i said without thinking was 'lovely smile' despite the bad teeth. he has, its infectious.

(oh dear god, its bad i think!)

Flirting is just a case of honing in on things that interest your object of interest, and speaking about those, while being smiley and open and engaging.

What you need is for this man to man up himself and ask you out on a date!

Mention events/places you'd like to go to, in conversation. See if he offers to go there with you.

hotdamn, i do think that to, but tbh i don't think i've mad it easy. i know he isn't the most confident and i've been stonewalling every time talk turns cheeky or flirty. will try your tactics.

Right, as at right now this instant STOP stonewalling him. Especially as the poor soul opened up to you about his lack of confidence etc - it's really not fair on him. If it takes you a while to pluck up the courage to make a move fine, but in the meantime NO stonewalling missy, it's cruel.

Do you have any common interests or like any of the same movies? If so, can you drop them into conversation then suggest he comes round to yours to watch them or go to the cinema.

Failing that, just arrange another piss up session and open up to him then before pouncing

Just ask him out. There is often an assumption that all blokes are alpha males and all that. You are blanking him. Sooner or later someone else, maybe a colleague or regulat customer, is going to catch his eye. Deep breath. Monday off. Ask him out.

Yes miss faff. sorry!

Cheers guys, good kicks up the butt, very good! you are all right of course and i will stop being a wuss. seeing him today at work actually. good opportunity to man up.

Will let you know how it goes lol!

Right, a little exercise. When talk next turns flirty, do ONE thing that normally you would have frozen and stonewalled over: might be a flirty response, or a big warm smile, lasting eye contact, whatever. Just one. And notice how the world does not end. You can even blush - this isn't the end of the world either!

Then you can run away and hyperventilate somewhere.

Then next time, do TWO things. Etc and so on.

If it's purely the first move and fear of rejection that you don't want to do (but would be fine afters) - does your place have a system where you pin up the orders? If so could you do something like write your name, number and time/place to go for a drink and pin it there?! Obviously wouldn't do in peak work times or if anyone else could come across!

Go for the jugular....
Say " I fancy seeing Les Mis/Django etc. What about you" or " Have you tried that restaurant, I would like to try it"
You could substitute any activity. Leave it quite open so it doesnt sound too much like a date then if he backs out you could shrug it off as a works do? Maybe?

madbuslady
That made me laugh! i will try!

He has just moved into the village (very small place, no shops etc) and he has no friends in the area. i though i could in convo, give him my number in case he needs anything a damn good seeing too or any company... not too forward?!
or i could ask him if he's having a housewarming. then say that the last time we got pissed together was such good fun we should repeat it.

you lot are so nice! for the record, i'm actually 28 years old, not 15 lol!