Hubby royally f****d up what to do - long

[daisydo1]

Hi I do not usually post but am lost as to what to do.
Hubby is self employed and has been having many financial difficulties and has become desperate and has done something that will have serious repercussions for us if not sorted out and if that was not bad enough I have just found out about it and he says he didn't seek my advice cause he knew what I would say (don't do it!!). I believe that even if the problem is sorted what future do we have he lied to me again (I questioned him about the issue and was assured that there was apparently no problem & he maintains that at the time there was not a problem). I say again cause last year he had an affair & we decided to stay together cause of the children but I am sick of it all - sick of the lies, sick of the worry I have tried really hard (to add injury to insult he had an opportunity that would have given us a bug life line & thus will fail) I was a sahm & managed to get a job which has kept us afloat now if I leave I will most likely have to go bankrupt as we also have huge debts that I will not be able to meet - everything was such a mess before & sometimes I seriously thought of ending it & this is the last straw

Stay calm there is always a way out. Do you have anymore details?

Take a deep breath, OP. What has he actually done?

I would be difficult to say but it is serious (not illegal) but would affect his ability to ever work again in his industry

What are the other debts you have? Credit cards and loans?

Has he 'massaged' his Self Assessment? There's a lot of that about If so; when did he put it in and is there a way to cancel that Betaion and put a new one in? I'm making assumptions but it is that time of year.

Then LTB

Betaion? I meant 'version'

In life it's usually the cover up that messes you up rather than the original screw up.

Set up against wasting your life with an irresponsible man you can't trust and/or suicide I think bankruptcy and a fresh start sounds like the far better option. He's a millstone around your neck.

Have you ever done some research on how your life would actually look if you went for divorce? Talked to a solicitor? Talked to CAB about the debts? How you're living at the moment must be incredibly stressful. There are alternatives.

Thank you all Thank you Cogito - I find myself thinking about the D word for the first time in our lives together we have 2 wonderful children who dote on their dad but I have to think about them and their future (what's left of it) as one child is at private school & I will not be able to afford the fees, we will lose the house for sure (& I'm nearly 50 - & the thought of starting again terrifies me!!). Whether we climb out of this mess or not - there is no trust left & I'm not even very sure I like him very much & to boot I feel guilty bout leaving when it all seems to be coming down around our ears

He had an affair and you both decided to stick it out for the sake of the children. Bad idea that, they should never have been used as glue to bind you together. Now this has happened.

Hindsight is indeed a wonderful thing but perhaps you should have left him when he had the affair. He has lied and keeps lying to you. He is but a millstone around your neck and is also quite happy to drag you and by turn your children down with him.

Your children can still have a relationship with their Dad if you decide to separate. From what I have read there is nothing left to save in this marraige now because he has destroyed it by his own actions. It is also never too late to start again; its only too late when you are dead!.

He's making unliateral decisions and engaging in activities that have had you contemplating suicide.... you owe him nothing whatsoever and you have no reason to feel guilty.