my sister is generally rubbish but it still hurts my fellings

[sausagesandwich34]

I know she doesn't mean to but she generally thinks of number 1 and is well known in the family for it

she isn't malicious, just doesn't think I think

I've got used to her, we are both in our 30s, but occasionally she does something that gets to me

latest thing is it was her god daughter's birthday on wednesday

she posted happy birthday and a photo of the child on facebook, and the parents posted a pic of god child in new outfit sying 'thank you for my birthday outfit auntie sausage's sister'
she has also travelled the 300 miles to go and see them this weekend

all lovely but...

my dcs never get a message on their birthdys and often have to wait up to 2 months until we see them to get even a card
she has never been to see me (about 60 miles) at my house, I go to her -she has been invited but works shifts so it's a big deal to travel apparently

I always make sure her DS gets a present/card through the post to arrive a couple of days in advance so he has it on his actual birthday
I will text to find out how exams have gone etc (not ring due to night shifts)
she never asks about my dcs -it's like she doesn't care if we aren't under her nose

when we see each other we get on great but she never asks about me or dcs

is there anyway of us getting closer because it makes me sad that as we get older and our parents get older we aren't close -or do I just accept that at our ages nothing will change?

Sorry your feeling hurt sausage. I have a bit of a problematic relationship with one of my sisters too. Can't give much advice as I struggle as well. One thing I would say is maybe lower your expectations a bit of how a sisterly relationship should be like. I would compare my relationship with my sister to how other people got on with theirs and would get really upset about it. But now I just accept that not every familial relationship you have whether it's with a parent, spouse, child or even gps can be ideal all the time (or sometimes at all). Learn to work out in which ones there is a possibility of improvement and which ones you need to just accept as they are.

Maybe you can speak to her about how you feel. Do you think that would make a difference? Don't expect her to change though. See it as more of a release.

Wish I could offer more helpful advice.

At your ages, nothing will change. The only thing you can adjust therefore are your expectations. Stop having high expectations and disappointment will be a thing of the past.

Not sure expecting a happy birthday text is having high expectations -or is it?
I don't expect us to live on each others pockets or anything but can't really have a conversation either as she can get incredibly defensive

Expect nothing. Then you will always be pleasantly surprised. It just saves time in the long run...

I'd have to be honest and tell her how sad her actions made me feel.

I don't think she's particularly interested in you and yours. It probably isn't the case of having anything against you, but just not being a sisterly person. My dh is in very loose contact with his siblings - they aren't at all close but there's no ill-feeling.

I think you have to accept that you don't have the kind of relationship you'd like and probably will never have that. You can choose friends, not family.

I could of wrote your post sausagesandwich34 and just before xmas I did write a couple of posts about my dis.

The advice I got was to try and detach myself which i have been doing My dis is also always number 1 and as we are both in our forties now I have to accept she is never going to change.

Its sad and it hurts but I have to accept it.
Maybe you could say to your dsis about how you feel and see how it goes from there and at least you have tried to change things.

My dsis cut me out from her xmas because I said something she didn't like and also tried to cut me out from my parents xmas. So at this moment in time I don't know if I can ever forgive and forget as there have been other issues over the years...

Sorry to hi-jack your thread but just wanted to tell you I know exactly how you feel....x

I read the title of your thread, and thought that I could have written it myself. I feel a lot like you do. Most of the time her lackof thought causes upset or even offence on occasion. I am trying very hard to say nothing, and avoid a massive row, but it is very challenging lately. I have to accept that her interest is in herself, unless she wants something.

'Expect nothing. Then you will always be pleasantly surprised'

This. Dont go down the route of comparing what you do for her to what she does for you. That way madness lies. I used to do that ALOT. I have a policy now though that whenever I do something nice for my sister I stop and think whether I am doing it expecting it to be reciprocated or if Im doing it out of love for my sister. It really helps me to be able to give without expecting something back and if I think that I will not be able to deal with having my act go unacknowledged then I dont do it. By the way is your sister like this with all of your family members or just you? If she is like that with all of your family then its her problem not yours.

she's like it with everyone so i try not to take it personally

I'm not particularly close to my brother either but doesn't affect me the same way

he leads a very different life -young free and single and all that

of the 3 of us, I'm closest to my parents -not in distance but emotionally

in the last 5 years I've seen my mum's siblings fall out over the care of my grandma and my mum has been the glue that held everyone together

I can see me falling into the same role -I remind my siblings of our parents birthdays etc, and I don't want us to fall out over something like our parents becoming infirm and needing some support and that's not that far away due to various medical conditions but don't feel we are close enough to be able to deal with it

families -who'd have 'em?