Should I report?

[Onewomanandherdog]

1st time poster but long time lurker! Just after the mumsnet and objective opinion. I'll try and explain all in post!
My SIL on DH side is being neglectful of her children, well at least I and other members of the family do. This includes, leaving the children 9 & 7 with my MIL for weeks at a time while she goes and stays with whichever partner she has at the time.

My MIL is also a carer for her mother and gets carers allowance for this, she also claims CB and CTC as SIL wasn't giving her the money. My MIL isn't particularly a great 'parent' both children watch 18+ films and programmes and play games. For example the 7 year olds favourite programme is Geordie Shore!

Due to MIL mother needing more care, she has started to leave the children with her ex who I wouldn't leave my cat with never mind my dog! What is worrying us most is the youngest child has a rare condition that requires monthly injections at hospital and I believe this has been missed for the past 8 months, resulting in the 7 year old only attending school for 1-2 hours a day as she is in pain.

We have the children as much as possible but live over an hour away and find out a lot 2nd hand off various family members as MIL lies as to the extent of the neglect. I have discussed with DH reporting to the school or social services my concerns but he is adamant that this isn't to happen! I feel strongly though that the little ones health is affected so much that we can't ignore it. DH argues that at least we can keep an eye on them but if I report it then we'll be shunned by the family and won't know what's going on. DH worries that MIL would stand no chance of getting children as she also left all of her children and had social services involvement.

Can you advise what the situation looks like from an outsiders view please as I have told DH that I am reporting concerns to school/social services on Monday.

The fact that your MIL abandoned her own children would make me extremely wary of leaving her grandchildren with her. The younger child's health needs to be addressed and, while I can understand that your husband's family would be very angry with you if they thought that you had reported them to SS, will they know? Do they think you are considering it? To be honest, if the child is missing that much school, I'm surprised there is not already SS involvement.

I was hoping that school/hospital would have informed SS by now but it doesn't seem to! I know the eldest had 59% attendance last year (only because I sneaked a look at the report!) and thought this would alert the school but it doesn't seem to. Yes they would know its me cos DH has told them to sort it out because I'm concerned!

Yes

Tell the school and ask that the report is kept anonymous. Good on you for doing this.

forget about the 'adults'.. How are the children going to feel in years to come when they realise that no-one cared enough about them to help improve their lifes?

Of course you report to Ss, nspcc, the school and anyone else you can think of.

You can report your concerns anonymously to the NSPCC but don't forget to act surprised when news reaches you that SS have paid a visit to MIL.

If you were to report your concerns to the dcs' school or relevant local/regional authority's Childrens Department, I would suggest you withhold your phone number, dont give your name, and pose as a concerned neighbour

There's absolutely no way on earth that a school would not pursue a 59% attendance rate. None. Zero. Whatever's going on, the school are going to be aware.

Report this. You are right to be concerned.

Thanks for the replies! It was already decided in my mind I think but you have just confirmed it. I too am surprised that school have not followed this up, they may well have but we don't think so as nothing has been said from the children - and I've asked in a round about sort if way. I think MIL uses the little ones illness as the excuse - the eldest has his own minor health problems and I think they play on this. I'm going to ring NSPCC for advice tomorrow and see where that leads. Thanks again

good, you absolutely have to report.you could contact school on Monday, advise them re missed medical treatment etc, and urge them to contact ss to follow up.if ss see you as protective, then you can all school and ss to not report that the info came from you. but the most important thing is that this is brought to an end