Do i be truthfull to my BF???????????????????????????

[redbull]

I feel really awfull writing this
my BF well we have only known each other for 1 1/2 years but we are very close we have everything in common i have 1 ds who has ASD and is 5 and she has 2 ds both with ASD the oldest who is 5 so ou 2 children are in the same class and sit together at their special needs school we both suffer from depression and both our dp have the same mental heath problems.
Heres the thing bf is very very very like the old little mo of eastenders before she got tough! she is very placid wont shout,wont tell her children off etc.....
She doesnt go to sleep till past 12 every night as her 2 ds keep her up playing playdough they fight over her and the eldest has violent attacks on younger brother and she does NOUT about it she is today moving there beds in to the same room to keep each other company!! I have tried telling her its a big misstake that they will keep eachother awake and she will get no more sleepbut she wont listen, she cant have any plants,aunaments, photos,books,dvds,videos,cds,even the telephone out as they destroy everything they are WILD, neither are potty trained and they still sleep in cots the younger one is 4
when they come round here they dont touch anything nothing has ever been brocken so that tells me they know they shouldnt touch things but hey mommys an easy ride
sorry to garrble on but i dont want to affend her and she has no controll over them her dp doesnt help her at all and me and my dp think with our ds he might have ASD but he still needs to learn right from wrong but everything they do its oh they dont understand what they have done wrong but they do they just take bf as a mug.

Really worried about Bf as she is getting so down but still wont tell them off she is getting me really worried do i say anything or not?

redbull, could you maybe look on the NAS website for stuff about ASD and how to help children with ASD and then ask her if she's interested in looking at it too and sit down and go through it with her?

Or how about going on an NAS course - I went on one a couple of years ago (my DS1 is on the autistic spectrum) - you could contact the NAS and see if they're planning to run it anywhere in your area?

Funnily enough when we first met it was through the EARLYBIRD schemee that is run by the NAS and then we realised our boys were going to the same school, Also the school they go to only take children that are on the Autism spectrum so we have work shops at the school but no matter how many we go to she still treats the children with a very large pair of gloves on.

Hmmmmm, what a tough one for you.

Doesn't sound like her DH is much help at home, is that right?

Oh god yes he is no help at all both our dps have the same mantal heath problem but where as bf dp has just felt sorry for him self and has nearly became a recluse my dp has more about him and he allways says im not going to sit around feeling sorry for my self and let this illness win im going to do something about it and go to work and bring home the money im not going to let it beat me(am so proud of him)
here is one example
Bf had to have fibroids burnt of her ovarys she was awake through op her dp drove her home and the doc said allthough its only day surgery you are bleeding heavy and need to liedown continousley for at least 8 hours she got home at 3 ds got of school bus at 3:30 bf had to get him off bus , she then went to lye down on the bed as doc had told her to then her 2 ds came in room bouncing on her belly then dp walked in and asked what was for dinner her mom lives 2 doors away and she didnt even go round to help her instead she was up till 1 in the morning with the playdough and the kids destroying the house and jumping all over her.

Oh, your poor friend.

Do you think she would listen to you if you tried to explain the importance of having a routine etc for children with ASD?

its really strange her ds got diagnosed before my ds so she has lived with it longer and she knows all the things she should do but its as if she cant bring her self to do them, as they sayshe gives in for the peace they really know how to work her how to get their own way she doesnt give them enough credit they are more clued up than she belives.

I wonder if she's got caught up in a vicious circle. I know I'm more likely to give in when I'm tired. Maybe she's the same but because she gives in and lets them do what they want she then ends up feeling even more tired IYSWIM.

Could she be depressed at all?

yes she suffers from depression allready