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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No wonder he thinks he's superior to me, I've led him to believe I think so too!!

11 replies

GingerBiscuitDunker · 18/01/2013 12:25

God I'm so annoyed with myself!! Met a guy back in July last year, fell madly deeply stupidly in love with him. He was the same at first, all loved up and I thought we had something really special. Then he cooled right down on me and it turned me into a bloody twat! I've just sat here and realized the way I've behaved these past few months has led him to believe I feel he's superior to me!! I'm always available for a start, whenever he wants to come over, I welcome him. If ever he said he was busy or whatever I showed obvious disapointment. I cancelled plans with friends to be with him. When he told me he wasn't happy with x,y and z I went out of my way to rectify that. I'm constantly asking him if he's happy with the relationship, he knows I panic about him ending it, I've told him on a few occasions that I'm scared of him ending it. I forgave him without question when he was an absolute bastard to me, I jumped at the suggestion of us living together and now, he's living with me and paying me nothing towards groceries or anything despite being on an income double mine. I pay for the cinema trips that we do almost weekly and when he suggested a trip out at the weekend the moron in me suggested I give him something towards the petrol.

What the fuck am I doing??? do I have mug tattooed across my face?? He must be laughing his head off at me, stupid little woman, will do anything to keep me sweet ....

Jesus Wept. Feel free to ignore, I'm just ranting at myself.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/01/2013 12:27

On the bright side, the penny's dropped now.

Is this the first time you've been like this with someone?

What next?

tallwivglasses · 18/01/2013 12:27

Well done for waking up and smelling the coffee. No ditch the freeloading fucker!

tallwivglasses · 18/01/2013 12:27

Now!

HeyHoHereWeGo · 18/01/2013 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsMeeple · 18/01/2013 12:29

Glad you had your wake up call. Hope you stick with it and make some changes!

GingerBiscuitDunker · 18/01/2013 12:32

Definietely the first time I've ever been like this with someone. I think what has happened is I met him, fell in love, built up this picture in my head of happily ever after and then he pulled the rug from under my feet leaving me scrambling for what I thought we had. It's like I'll do anything to avoid him finishing with me and he bloody knows it! He's started to play on it - everytime we have a disagreement he suggests breaking up or suggests that things arnt working that well - naturally I panic and back right down. He's the winner - ALWAYS.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 18/01/2013 12:48

Call his bluff. You can do so much better than this!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/01/2013 13:05

naturally I panic and back right down

If it were "just" problems over money, who does what round the home, etc, you could live separately and still see each other, working things out.

But this sounds so one-sided, he's taking, you're giving. Once he started sensing your weakness, he started playing on it. You've become too available.

Work out what you want to say. Cool, calm, collected. I suspect he'll be banking on you being too needy to get rid altogether.

When he goes, go cold turkey, don't be tempted to keep tabs on him or get into text exchanges. I hope you've not dropped all your friends for him. Get support, stay busy.

tribpot · 18/01/2013 13:08

Jesus. The guy's a master at it, at least!

First the love bombing and the 'OMG this is The One' and making you feel like he can't do enough for you.

Then when you're feeling on top of the world the total annihilation of ending it with you out of nowhere. You're in shock, upset and willing to do anything to try and return to the previous love bombing phase.

Now he can just play you for sport. For a free place to live and someone to look after him, someone he can kick whenever he wants to (I don't mean physically), someone who will take any amount of shit he deals out and make him feel monumentally good about himself.

You've lost all the power. You're never getting it back, not with this guy. He knows how to play you.

Move on!

Anniegetyourgun · 18/01/2013 13:11

OK, so, practice this in front of the mirror until you've got it perfect. "I think that would be for the best."

Then tackle him about contributing to the household expenses.

He throws a tantrum: if that's all our relationship means to you, money, I may as well walk, and similar histrionic complaints and threats.

Now is the time to bring up your well-practised phrase. "I think that would be for the best." Hopefully, he will then bugger off. Sorted.

lisac99 · 18/01/2013 13:33

The person who cares least has all the power.

He obviously doesn't care about you that much (sorry, but true perhaps?) if he's willing to throw your relationship away every time you so much as dare to disagree with him.... Therefore I suggest you do call his bluff.

Rehearse it if it will help, also... make sure you have friends or something to do WHEN you say to him 'Actually, as we seem to be arguing quite a lot I agree with you, let's just leave it.'...

Once it's done, don't panic and call him back. Turn off your phone, or walk away and go and do something else - It will be hard, but whatever you do, don't run back to him as it will reinforce the 'He's better than you' even more.

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