Can a relationship EVER survive early deceit?

[lacrymosa1971]

We've been together just over a year. 5 months into our relationship, at a time when I thought we were as serious as a couple could be I found out he'd re-registered on the same dating site we met on and had been messaging women for months asking to 'chat' or some were inquiring about intimate encounters.

I contronted him and he had no choice but to admit it but said it was purely 'chat'/ego boost/something to do when he was bored/something to prove to himself how much he loved me etc etc. After a lot of thought I decided to forgive him although deep down I knew his excuses were bullshit and he was simply fishing for something better. I loved him however and couldnt bring myself to finish it.

Thing is, things were never the same after that. I began tapping into his facebook page when he was at work, everytime he got a friend request off a woman I tied myself up in knots thinking she was obviously from a dating site. Everytime he got a text off a woman I wondered who she was/how he knew her etc. Fuck everytime he worked a bit of overtime I had to convince myself he wasn't meeting up with dating site women but genuinely was working!

I managed eventually to push it all to the back of my head but it was always there. He moved in with me a few months ago for a trial run and everything has been ok but I know deep down I'm just telling myself I don't care that much about him anymore as I'm sure the relationship will end. I love him so much but for my own protection I've emotionally distanced myself from him.

Now we're looking into buying a house together and despite being able to hide my feelings for so long, I'm now feeling like I can't make this next step. It's too "big" and the feelings I've pushed to the back of my head that a) he's a liar and b) he can't be trusted have all come flooding back.

It happened 6 months ago but was going on for about 3 months before I found out. I feel like those first 6 months of our relationship was a complete lie.

Is the way I'm feeling normal?? can a relationship ever survive early deceit/disloyalty like this? should I be able to put it behind me and move on?

Whatever happens with the relationship, try not to sign your finances in with someone unless you are 100% sure. I did this, he was a nice guy but I wasn't sure he wes right for me. A year later we splir up and luckily he was a good guy and didn't screw me over, but many others would have done.....so like I say, whatever happens between you, dont buy a house together. Good luck x

You are in love with what you want him to be , not what he has proved to be.
Please drop out of this relationship for your own sake.

No. He is not a keeper. Not worth the hassle. My Risk Assessment tells me he is Not A Good Egg.

Do you have children with him? Because if not, I'd drop him. I think you just don't need to be squashing painful feelings if you are not committed in any way. Why push those feelings to the back of your head? Get them out in the open and look at them? They're telling you something.

Run for The hills. Please, you deserve better. He is the highest order of cocks.

In my experience, no it can't. I've been there in the past, trying to put someone's shit behaviour + infidelity to the back of my mind - the relationship still didn't last and I felt worse for it.

FGS whatever you do, don't buy a house with this guy and invest the time working through why your self-esteem has allowed it to progress this far

Speaking as a bloke, he was looking for a better offer. You proved valuable and you are subsidising his living costs so that's ok. Sorry.

I dont really think so.

Early on its supposed to be wonderful A partner ( M or F) who betrays your trust on one way or another so early on is kind of making it clear you are not that special, they don't really respect you, and there will be trouble ahead...

Honestly I would have dumped at that point - before you got too close... but would definitely dump now - your instincts are screaming at you for a reason