wifes shenanigans......

[chickenboy]

my wife an I have been married for 15 years and always had a v close relatioship.
She went out for a night partying with her freinds a few weeks ago. When she returned home, I discovered she had met another man, they had exchanged mobile numbers and were sending flirty texts to one another whilst i was in bed(she was downstairs).
When I found out I was devistated... we had the rows etc.. she said it was just a bit of fun which got out of hand, she felt really bed it had happened but that she hadnt done anything wrong (other than flit and text). For a week or so she was creeping round me, but still managed to go out the following weekend with her pals!
Deep down though I felt my trust for her had been damaged.
This was nearly a month ago....

Last night I discovered accidentally that she is planning a girlie hotel weekend away, well actually two seperate ones. The whole trust thing and the scenario from before just slapped me in my face....

I told her how i felt about it, that it makes me feel uneasy,I feel I dont trust her like I did before, but was told I needed to move on not dwell on the past.

Is she right? Should I forgive and forget? Or have I the right to express my insecure feeling?

.... yes consider your feelings, but how about she start by accepting that she has done wrong and shows a bit of contrition FFS. If she is not genuinely remorseful about what she has done (and only you will know this), then you will have you answer as to what she really thinks of you.

It's got nothing to do with whether or not she goes away for the weekend. It's got everything to do with whether or not you trust her now and whether she's willing to try and rebuild that trust.

This is not normal chickenboy. Get a grip

The point is that she's not considering your feelings and clearly has no intention of doing so.

Instead of making any plea for her to take your feelings on board, I suggest you tell her that you've got no intention of preventing her going away on either of these weekends she chosen to plan without reference to you, but if she elects to go away she may as well stay away as you'll regard your marriage as over and will be looking to institute proceedings for divorce on the ground of her unreasonable behaviour.

If nothing else, this should a spark a lively debate in which at least part of the truth may will out.

If you know who the friends are, and you are aware of the group arrangements being made, I would be confident that the girly weekends are just that, and not an excuse to go off flirting or worse with other men. i.e that the flirty texts and the weekends are really not connected.

If you have been married 15 years, is she just fonding that she has the space and freedom from young children and is able to get a boit of fun after years of work and parenting?

Rather than re-hashing the texting and your lack of trust and her breach of trust again, could you start a new conversation with her about your relationship in general? What you both want for the next 15 years? Is she fulfilled in her life, are you fulfilled in your life? How can you support each other to achieve what you both wnat, etc?

How flirty, exactly, were the texts? Sexully explicit? Or just banter?

Got to say i think she is taking the piss!
I would stop the pussy footing around and let her know you are not having this mid life crisis crap anymore. If she wants to bugger off for the weekend with her new friends leaving you wondering what she is getting upto then she should see if any of them have a spare room as her stuff will be packed and by the front door when she gets back.
At least it will either shock her into realising what she has too loose or you will know she really doesn't give a crap anymore.

My ex wife started with all this. It got progressively worse to the point where she was just completely taking the piss. She had checked out I our relationship and once they have done that, then the next bit is inevitable.

You have choices in my opinion

1. Tell her you are hurt and going away so soon after she has betrayed you is not on. I would then go on to say that how she reacts to that will tell you everything you need to know about her respect for you.

1. Dont say anything and let this feeling of betrayal build up even more.

You may be fighting an uphill battle. Whatever happens now she is acting very suspiciously and very much like my exw was. By the end she wasn't even trying to hide it. Openly texting him whilst sat opposite me.

Even if the worst comes to the worst you will survive but never beg and crawl. She doesn't deserve it. If she has an affair leave her and see how she manages. Mine regrets everything 10 years on but it was too late. It was too late 4 months later when she was begging forgiveness (only because the OM went back to his wife)....I had by this time met someone else who let's just say was extremely good medicine!

Good luck....