I don't want to be the 'other woman'....

[JourneyThroughLife]

Slightly long story: For a long while I dated an older man, very dynamic person who wined and dined me and swept me off my feet. He was divorced but I slowly realised he would never commit to me. Not only had he (it seemed!) slept with half the women in England but was intent on sleeping with the other half too. In addition, he had a long-term girlfriend (I didn't know about her at first) - he didn't live with her but they were quite a couple and went on holidays together and he basically went around with her when he hadn't someone else on the go.... It was awful and I walked away.

But at Christmas he got in touch and then visited - I can't imagine how he persuaded me to let him. Now he has got me to agree to visit him for the weekkend next week (25th). But I've just discovered the following week he's going away on a big holiday to Japan and is taking his girlfriend with him. Nothing's changed!! And I'm being pretty stupid here, if I go to stay he's basically "using" me for sex, there really isn't any relationship on offer. I just don't want to go.

Thing is, I don't know how to get out of it. He can be very persuasive and then, if he doesn't get his way, become very, very angry. At first I thought I'd make excuses and pretend I had something else on or I was ill, but I just don't want to lie....and I shouldn't have to. I wondered whether to send a text along the lines of "I've realised 25th isn't a good idea after all. You're going away with XXXX to Japan, it isn't fair on her, I will feel guilty, I feel it's morally wrong and don't want to be placed in such a position. Let's forget it, have a good trip..." sort of thing.

What do others think, what would you advise?

You don't need a new phone or a new sim or anything. Just tell him that if he contacts you again you will call the police. End of.

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Of course if you want a new phone you should get one, but don't change your number because of this dick head.

And if he turns up at your work again, threaten to call the police. And if he makes a scene, don't hesitate to call the police.

What a scary, spoiled git of a man.

Don't threaten to call the police. (In general, don't ever threaten to do anything). Either do, or do not.

If he turns up to your home or workplace and will not leave immediately when told to do so, then that is a case for calling the police to have him removed.

Yes, I feel stronger. If he turns up at my workplace again, I shall have to call the police. My job is more important to me. Although having found out he's currently in France for a few days I actually feel so much better 'cos he can't turn up. What I can't believe is how he blatently tells me he's with her - and assumes that's OK...??????

Anyway, I'm trying to put him out of my mind, the more I dwell on him, the more he still has a hold over me...I've said no, I refuse to rekindle anything, that should be it... (easier said than done but I'm trying)

Once again, really THANK YOU everyone for your comments, it really helps...

Glad it's resolved, but yes, you are the master of your own life and if you don't want to see him, you simply tell him that.

If he ever turns up at your house or your work, then just ring the police as it is harrassment

All the best!

Well done!! Brilliant stuff - and if you feel wobbly about it, or like you might answer his calls or call him yourself (even if that's just to give him a piece of your mind) come back here and let us talk you out of it.

Right - how about dating now, then? Why not find someone wonderful?

op, anytime you feel you may re engage, re read all of this thread first.you really do not need someone like that manipulating and draining you.have fun with finding someone decent!

You sound lovely OP, a fact that this man will take advantage of.

With men like these you really have to be black and white, even just a few texts can get their claws back in. No engagement with him, and police called if he shows up at your house or work.

If it weren't for this obnoxious bloke, would you change your number on treating yourself to a new phone, or 'port' the old one to save notifying all your contacts? You don't need to change your number to block him, you know - you need to ignore. Youve told him you are breaking it off with immediate effect, and why, so ignore texts, don't answer calls. It's now up to him to accept it, nothing to do with you.