She is on the verge of leaving her emotionally abusive H. And she can't quite make the final step. I thought maybe some confirmation that she is doing the right thing from the wise women of mumsnet might help her see things a bit more clearly. She is beautiful, fun, kind, intelligent and a great friend. And she is wasting her life.
She has been with him since she was a teenager, married after 5 years together and is now in her thirties. They have three DC (9, 4 and 1).
Despite the fact they have no money (he spent it all and they have remortgaged their house three times to keep up with it - her DM has now taken control of the finances so they don't lose the house) he spends £20 a week on cannabis.
He regularly calls her a whore (and has also started calling her 'slot machine' - charming), more than once in earshot of the children.
She last went out just before she got pregnant with DC3, so nearly 2 years ago. He locked her out and she spent hours in the front garden trying to get back in. Although she is allowed out to help with PTA etc but has to take the kids with her...
He has ruined every important family event (eg she left her own 30th birthday party early, he has refused to sit with her and the children while DC1 opened presents on a birthday picnic).
He has regularly told her that if she leaves he will quit his job so he doesn't have to give her any money.
If she tells him she no longer loves him and thinks they should split he smashes her possessions (tearing up irreplacable photos etc). So she stays and weakens her argument every time.
He accuses her of having affairs all the time, engineers arguments to avoid things he doesn't want to do eg the day before the family holiday so he ended up not going. He was nice to her for a couple of weeks after she got back (I assume because she went anyway and he felt threatened) and told her he had been to the doctor and got help for his depression (antidepressants). HE LIED. And obviously resumed business as usual.
She has to attend all weddings and funerals on her own because he refuses to come with her. He even refused to attend a christening where they were meant to be godparents. Although why anyone would want that twat to be their child's godfather is beyond me.
And on and on and on and on.
Her Mum is fantastic, lives locally and has space to have her and the DC. They wouldn't even be any further from school. He does nothing to help round the house and can't in fact look after all 3 DC by himself (she says it's not safe to leave him in charge of all three). The damage this situation is doing to the children has got to be huge.
And he is blackmailing her into staying by threatening to tell her DM that she attended her DF's wedding which her DM will be very upset by.
So please post any advice, experiences etc below and I will get her to read this and maybe we can save her and the kids from having to listen to any more of his shit.