My house is not a happy one

[NewYearNewThinking]

I've come to realise that my house isn't a happy one.

I seem to constantly shout at my DD (7) where really I should have more patience.

I've realised that I don't laugh any more - or at least a heck of a lot less these days - and no, I honestly don't think I'm depressed.

I have no patience for my other half - still haven't recovered from his affair as he sweeps all of that under the carpet - don't talk about it then it hasn't happened brigade, I'm afraid.

I seem to make too much of my friendships and feel let down when friends don't have time for me - yes, I know they have their lives too.

Oh - I dunno.

I don't expect responses from anyone - just more logging somewhere of how I feel at the moment.

I think my house is a very wobbly ship - when dp is at work im normally happy and ok no stressing shouting etc but when bastard dp is home it seems really horrible and awkward to be at home.....dp does nothing in the house i do everything and when i ask him to do something eg. feed our ds he says why carnt you do it...im a slave in my own home and i hate it....

Keep your chin up honey, remember take deep breathes, love your dc and be a good mum - fuck the rest!

The trouble with brushing something as big as an affair under the carpet is that you end up with your head bumping the ceiling..... i.e. stress. When you're suppressing your anger and stressed out, everything looks 10 times worse than it really is, it's difficult to cope and just the slightest thing... like a 7yo trying your patience... can tip you over the edge.

I think you have to acknowledge your anger and that's going to mean either talking about the affair properly or telling the culprit to leave...

thankyou

is it him or you (or both) that is the 'don't talk about it' brigade? If it's him, maybe you having a chance to talk about it to someone could really help you focus on how you really feel and what you want out of life - even if that's a way down the road?

myson don't take deep breaths - put your chin up and leave, or you're just training your soon to grow up like his dad.

new year I agree with Cogito -suppressed anger = depression - if he doesn't care enough to help you work it through by acknowledging what happened, going to counselling etc then is that really the man you want to be with?

I want to talk it through - bar the first week after finding out and a few drunken conversations now its radio silence from him and when I broach the subject he just says forget about it and move on.

But if he wants to stay together, then he has to expect to put some work in, however uncomfortable it is for him

Are you married? Living together? Own a home together? 'Forget about it and move on' is not the attitude of a man that cares for your feelings or is even sorry about what happened. 'Put up and shut up'... is total disrespect

There are always other options. You only get one life and it would be a pity to waste it.

Hi cogito thanks for taking the time to reply.

Yes we are married - 10 years.

Yes - we do have choices - I do, don't I?

Actually - I am thinking he's out tonight - seeing her? Dunno. Thought it was over - maybe it's not. Just trying to work out if I'm bothered at all and if so, why and if not, why not.

The house is quiet for once the tv isn't blaring out loud and I'm enjoying my own company, cup of tea and a it of a potter around the house.

Of course you do. They might not be easy choices and they might take some effort or even disruption but there are always other options open to you. The problem with your current living situation is that you're swallowing your anger down instead of spitting it out. You're turning it on yourself rather than on your husband where it belongs. It's already making you miserable, snappy and possibly over-sensitive where your friends are concerned. Next to go will be your confidence and self-esteem. Keep going that way and you can end up self-medicating with alcohol or having to take prescription drugs..... while all the time being told to 'forget about it and move on'.

Your future is currently predictable. But you can change it....

If you're not bothered about the idea of your husband being with someone else it's probably because you're past caring. If you find you can relax when he's out of the way, that's how you deserve to feel the rest of the time. Think about it.

cognito is right, as usual!

Thank you - I'm having a long hard think - maybe it's time to do some planning .......

Look after yourself and your dd, do your planning and make a better life for yourself and dd. We are here for you

X

When did he have affair? Where you happy before? Can you tell him how seriously it's affected you and do some counselling?