It looks like I'm reaching the end of my marriage.
I just don't feel it can be salvaged. I still love my DH, but I can't go on like this.
Need to know what to get organised.
Currently the financial situation is this:
- we are on income support as both are disabled. The claim is in his name and I'm just listed as the partner, because DWP wont let you claim separately.
- because of the above, all the money goes into his account. We don't have a joint account.
- we are in a council property, both named on the contract.
- we get HB, it's a joint claim, though I believe DH is the one named on all correspondence.
- I have a very small amount of money in my own account (less than £100)
- we own 1 car which is in my name, though he is a named driver.
- child benefit is in my name
Living situation is:
- we have a 9mo son
- we live in a town that is exactly halfway between his family and mine (30-45min drive either way)
- we know barely anyone in this town
Problems that I can see are:
- he is a good dad, but I am better at dealing with DS when he is unwell/irritable. And he's teething, so is often unwell/irritable. DH loses patience quickly and hands DS over to me whenever he is whinging.
- DH has previously (when having a tantrum) told me that if we split he will go for sole custody of DS. I'd prefer joint 50/50.
- DH has also threatened to fight dirty to get DS, using my mental health against me. The "positive" here is that DH has more mental health problems than me, so fighting dirty will not benefit him.
- I know MIL has discussed getting sole custody of DS with DH. I guess because she knows she'll do most of the looking after of DS.
- DH has a funny view of money and thinks that as he is the primary IS claimant, that all money is coming in because of him and therefore all things bought with the IS money belong to him. He will probably grudgingly accept that the washing machine, chest freezer and bed are joint owned as they were bought by my relatives.
- I spoke to my dad who has said that if we split he'll help me move back nearer him with DS. Problem is, I hate the town I grew up in and think it is a bad place to grow up. I'd rather stay put, but it means no support network.
- I'm heartbroken at the idea of spending more than a few hours apart from DS, but know that trying for sole custody is selfish and not in DS's best interests.
I don't know where to go from here..