Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Would you consider these comments a bit odd?

43 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2013 22:29

I have been messaging a guy online for a while and we were supposed to have a date today but we got our wires crossed so we have rescheduled.

He knows I am a mum and he seems good with kids. He is very broody in fact I think. He messaged me last night and I texted him saying I couldn't talk as I was trying to detangle dds very knotty hair. He then asked me how long her hair is and I thought

Then I called him tonight for a chat and without thinking I told him my dd is beautiful to which he replied "All little girls are beautiful until they grow up." He then thought this was hilarious but I just didn't get it. In fact I thought again.

He also revealed that he dodn't talk to his parents as they owe him £30,000 and that he hasn't had kids yet as he has always had wronguns. He then told me about a couple of his exes and their exploits. He's really not a keeper is he but why the wierd comments about my dd? They are not majorly awful but just a bit creepy.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 16/01/2013 23:40

Shag all you like, but you might want to get that dodgy, dodgy klaxon tuned up, dude

it's a bit slow on the uptake

messaging men you have never met while you wax lyrical about grooming your young daughter's hair?

are you completely naive ?

Original poster

superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2013 23:41

bandige..i'm starting threads about my love life as i'm currently single, dating around and not in a long-term happy relationship. I'm enjoying window shopping atm but do need some CONSTRUCTIVE advice and support along the way. isn't it stark-staringly obvious? night girls!

OP posts:

Original poster

superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2013 23:43

And also if I wasn't concerned I wouldn't have posted here for a second opinion showing that my radar \IS working thanks. The comment about dds hair was thoughtless but you know what; if I hadn't made that comment I might be non the wiser about that wierd side of him. I live and learn.

OP posts:

Original poster

superstarheartbreaker · 16/01/2013 23:44

The fact that I am concerned shows that my radar is a LOT better than it was when I was 16 lets say when I dated a complete psychopath.

OP posts:

badinage · 16/01/2013 23:45

If you honestly needed to get a second opinion that this bloke was bad news and a risk to your daughter, you shouldn't be dating at all.

AnyFucker · 16/01/2013 23:45

Heh, I can identify with that one.

AnyFucker · 16/01/2013 23:46

(the psychopath bit)

izzyizin · 16/01/2013 23:51

Aw jeez, surely you're not trawling the net to find men who are willing to go down on you tolerate your mega decibel caterwauling when you lure allow them into your bedroom on a first date?

Out of curiosity, where is/are your dc when you're bellowing revelling in sexual bliss?

Btw, there's not necessarily any bar to mentioning that you're a single parent prior to arranging a date, but you don't have to reveal the gender of your dc nor impart any other information about them unless and until you have reason to trust that the men you meet are all that they claim/seem to be.

If you want some constructive advice//support, may I suggest you join the longoing ongoing online dating thread?

VelvetSpoon · 16/01/2013 23:53

Are you really new to OD?

Because seriously anyone knows that blokes who have photos of themselves with babies which aren't their own are odd, or players or a bit of both.

It is bad enough to try and use your own children as a pulling tool on a dating site, it's pretty low to use ones which aren't your own flesh and blood (and I expect without their parent's permission).

I instantly delete any man pictured with a child not his own, and most of the ones with their own children. It's unseemly. I wouldn't have a picture of my DCs on a dating profile and I don't really respect any man who does.

SaraBellumHertz · 17/01/2013 06:13

I know none of the back story here but I don't think his comments are particularly odd.

You raised the issue of your DDs hair (which in itself is far more strange) and it sounds like he simply extended the conversation which I would consider fairly normal. The length of hair is quite relevant to how tangled it was/ whether you had a big job ahead of you etc.

But talking about DC during Internet dating seems like a big no no.

countrykitten · 17/01/2013 10:52

OP you frankly sound a bit trampy (I too have read the noisy shagging thread) and also rather dim.

PeppermintPasty · 17/01/2013 11:06

Blimey, this is a support forum after all. Aren't we learning all the time about the people in and out of our lives? At least the OP has come on here for a second, third, fourth etc etc opinion.

He does sound a right twat though OP

RabidCarrot · 17/01/2013 11:19

I dont think it is creepy to ask how long someone's hair is really,
If you had been talking to a girlfriend who had not met your DD and said about her hair getting knotted would you have thought it creepy if she had ask how long her hair was?

Lovingfreedom · 17/01/2013 11:21

I think before you've even met someone you're getting a bad feeling from them then block them.

badinage · 17/01/2013 11:30

But that wasn't all he said.

He inferred that all adult women were problematical and that all his exes were 'wronguns', going into detail about how 'bad' they were.

A woman friend enquiring about the length of hair wouldn't be odd because it would imply empathy - as in 'when my hair was long I did x,y or z to help with the tangles'. I'm sure if this guy had flowing locks she would have mentioned it.

countrykitten · 17/01/2013 11:58

He is weird clearly - the worry is that the OP could not see this for herself. I work with children and have seen too many times unsuitable and awful men wreaking havoc on children's home lives but this being ignored or normalised because 'he's mum's new bloke'. Tbh - internet dating is not an avenue I would ever go down but the things he said/the pic he posted would ring alarm bells with any intelligent woman.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/01/2013 12:09

"He then told me about a couple of his exes and their exploits. "

Reject.... People who like to put all the blame for their crappy love-life on previous partners are not being honest. It's bad form.

JourneyThroughLife · 17/01/2013 12:14

I think you're right to trust your instinct, and probably best not to meet - well done for having the courage to check out what others think on here.
I can undertsand why you'd want to mention online that you have children in passing, because if anyone has an issue with your being a mum, it'll stop you wasting time your time and theirs.
I did once date a man who had posted a picture of himself online holding two (!) babies. When I asked, he said they were his nephews' twins and he was god-parent. He was very proud of them and had no children of his own; he'd also used the photo because it was the best he could find which showed him looking fairly good looking. I dated the man for a number of years and he was perfectly OK and genuine, so it does happen...
However, I also interview for an educational establishment and during the interview process we have to be on the look-out for people who have an unhealthy interest in children. Some of the signs are that they have an over-active interest in children...such as spending lots of time with relatives' kids, running youth groups, helping out in children's clubs. Their interest is more than just someone who might run a Scout group or coach a football club...most ordinary people want a break from the kids they look after or teach whereas an unhealthy interest is constant, excessive and doesn't have boundaries...
Go with your instinct...

Flip

1 2