Stress with DP over baby care....

[nervousmum]

Does anyone else get stressy with their DP/DH's over trivial things or is it just me?

Last night, my 6 month old son had a bath as usual, and DP was being useless with him, seemingly not knowing how to wash him, how to dry him etc etc. Then, Joey woke up at 1am screaming (i think he'd been having a bad dream or something, as he woke up suddenly), DP went off to settle him while i deliberately left them, and 10 minutes later Joey was still screaming. I got up, wandering what the hell DP had been doing for the last 5 minutes to have not settled him! One quick bottle of milk later and Joey was happy as larry, straight back to sleep, yet i took ages to drop off, feeling a right bitch for having these thoughts.

I know he's not about all the time, due to night shifts etc, but it feels like i get Joey into a perfect routine, then DP comes along and messes it up. And then i feel horrible for thinking these things, as i do adore DP, he's a wonderful father etc etc. All we seem to do these days is have 'heated discussions', usually instigated by me. We never used to be like this, and i hate that we are now. Any advice?

That's us.
I think it all comes down to the Mars/Venus thing. We never will agree, we just have to compromise.

If you will mostly be looking after Joey then it should mostly go by your rules as you will suffer the consequences.

unless Dh asks me or if they are extremely upset (actually he would just give them to me if they were)I just let him get on with it tbh.This is because I feel If I hang around and watch, Dh will feel pressured and it makes it all very fraught. It is difficult if you are the one that does the lions share, but try and relax a little and your Dp will relax to and become more confident with your son. Its really hard though

I am trying to let him just get on with it - i have to go back to work soon, and he'll be taking over the childcare when i'm not there. I do wonder if sometimes DP is less confident in his abilities as a father when i'm there. I know i also need to chill a bit - i've always been quite regimented in everything i do, whereas DP has always been much more laid back. It's just so frustrating when it comes to our little boy, as at the moment i'm mostly looking after him, so he's obviously used to my routines, then DP comes along and confuses him, which just stresses him (and me!) out.

[note to self - must be less Bree Van Der Kamp, more Marge Simpson!]

have been the same with my dh, at times i want to scream at him over little things really. For instance he lets dd whinge in her cot till i actually go in the room and thats when he jumps from the bed (he would deny this of course ) we had it out and it comes down to the fact that i'm with dd all day every day and he isn't and i don't think he is as confident with her iyswim and here is me saying 'no don't do it like that do it like this' basically boils down to routine and how I do things. I need to cut him some slack i think

I think partners sometimes have a hard time. I tend it accept that he will do things differently from me and I leave him to it. Acquiring new skills can be difficult for some. They need to build up their confidence!

hi, i'm a single mum so obviously don't have any problems like this (ppl always say they admire single mums for doing it alone but tbh i reckon it's harder as a couple!)
I did read a really good book, i'm sorry i can't remember which one but I think it was What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen that writes about this exact problem (if it wasn't that one, it's a bloody good book anyway! :)), and while baby's routine is important and your DP obv needs to know the routines and also agree with you about them, at the same time you have to remember he is spending very little time with your ds compared to the time you do, so of course it will take him a lot longer to feel confident & practiced at it. It must be difficult when obv you want the best for your ds and it must be hard when ds is unhappy or stressed etc, but at the same time i think a DP does need the space to build up his own confidence.

my version of settling Evie when she wakes is to go and rock her back to sleep (unless hungry, obv), DH's version is to bring her into our room if she doesn't stop crying within five miutes.
However, she doesn't settle as well with him as she does me, and sometimes I wish she would, but I know that DH tries his best. He looked after her for a few hours last Sat night when I went out, which resulted in him driving her around in his car for an hour as she wouldn't stop screaming, wouldn't take her EMB or anything. Luckily she slept in the car.
Despite that, it didn't stop him loading her into the pram today and taking her out for four hours because I'm poorly. She was as good as gold and I think it has helped his confidence, which is a good thing as I'm off out again next Sat!
I can be critical with him, but I know he does his best, and I do believe it is all about confidence.