About 6 years ago I met a guy at work and fell for him in a big way, but the circumstances for a relationship weren?t right. Part of that was we were both quite young at the time, I had a 7 year old DS, and I assumed he wasn?t to settle down with a family kids etc. TBH I don?t think I was ready for that then either, I just liked him so much I liked the idea of it more than what the reality might of entailed. We never really talked about things, it was just sort of a given that we had fun together and that was all.
So we had a brief no-strings fling and went our separate ways. Shortly after the fling ended, I met XDP, was with him for 5 years and have a 14m old DD with him. The relationship started to turn sour during my pregnancy and gradually got worse, involving EA and alcohol abuse. I tried to persevere and work though the problems but life was miserable for everyone, the final straw was his treatment of my DS and the impact it had on him. XDP and I had been living virtually separate lives since around June/July, with the exception of the regular arguments/bitching.
At the end of July I told XDP that the relationship was over and asked him to make arrangements to leave. He was upset, begged to save the relationship, promised to change etc but it was too late for me. Over the years the guy I had the fling with had tried to contact me a few times but I always ignored this as I knew, with how strongly I had felt about him, any kind of contact would be a bad idea.
In September he tried to get in touch again, so this time I replied. I explained that I was coming out of a messy relationship and maybe the timing for another fling wasn?t good. To my complete surprise he revealed that he had always had strong feelings for me, he had wanted more than a fling the first time but didn?t know how to tell me. He regretted letting me go the first time and would give anything for a chance at a real relationship. He said he would wait as long as it took for me to be ready.
Initially I insisted we took things very slowly. We kept in touch but nothing happened until XDP moved out at the end of October. We met up and all the feelings I had for him were still just as strong. We started seeing each other once a week with the intention of taking things slowly. But like all good intentions, they went to hell in a hand basket pretty quickly! We are like teenagers, can?t keep away from each other, and miss each other when we?re apart, very affectionate ? all the signs of the first flushes of romance.
He is thoughtful, attentive, kind, and funny ? everything I could want. The one night a week date has turned into 6 nights, he pretty much goes home for a change of clothes and that?s it.
So, things have moved exceptionally fast ? much quicker than I anticipated. We have talked about moving in together, starting a family, marriage ? the whole deal. He wants everything and if I?m honest, so do I. He wants it all now, and again so do I; it feels like we wasted the five years apart and if we are both happy and know that this is what we want then why wait?
I haven?t told my family yet as I think they still hold out some hope that XDP and I will resolve things. They knew we had some problems but not to what extent and our DD is only 14m. I think the separation came as a bit of a surprise to them and they would be shocked to know that I have moved on so quickly. I want them to accept this wonderful man in my life and not look badly on the relationship. I think they will assume I left XDP for him, which was not the case. I am desperate to tell my family about him but I don?t know how to broach the subject or when the right time will be.
Also he wants us to start trying for a baby now, and if I am totally honest, so do I. He makes me so happy, I want more children and I would love for my DD to have a little brother or sister to grow up with. It feels so right, and we?d both be ecstatic if it happened. My only reservation is that I don?t want to have 3 children with three different Dads! No matter how you dress that up it does not sound good. I also think my family (and possibly his) will be unsupportive and tell us it is too soon, a bad idea and to wait a year or two. But we both want to just get on with starting our life together, being happy.
So firstly ? when/how is the right time to tell my family about the relationship?
And secondly should I let my heart rule my head with regards to moving in and starting a family? Should I just think ?to hell with what everyone else thinks! We are happy together and we both want this. Who cares that I will have 3 kids with 3 dads? They will all be loved and raised in a loving family home. This is my life; if I want this I should not let how other people will think of me affect my decision?. Or do I accept that people will judge me that way for a reason and maybe I should slow things down and wait at least a year or so.
FWIW by best friend of 15 years, who knew XDP and current partner, thinks we should go for it. She says we were made for each other and she knows we will stay together and have children so thinks we should do what makes us happy. She says I was never this happy with XDP, not even at the start of the relationship and she could see 6 years ago that partner and I were meant to be together, it was obvious then and she has been waiting years for us to sort it out and be together. All my other friends that have met him and know about him are telling me to go for it and do what we want to be happy.
I?m hoping that some honest opinions from some impartial people will give me some clarity, and help me make the right choices this time around! Do I be ?sensible? for the sake of others or accept that I finally have a chance to be happy and grab it with both hands?!
Sorry for the long back story!! All opinions/advice gratefully received with an open mind!