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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to deal with liars

6 replies

RoxyLady · 16/01/2013 12:14

The relationships in my dh's family are awful. His two sisters are jealous of everything we do. The youngest sister hasnt even met our 2 yr old because she had a problem with me being pregnant, doesnt think I am good enough for her brother (she has never liked any girlf he has had) and thought we shouldnt have got pregnant while her father was terminally ill. Her behaviour has been disgusting to everyone and she has only just after 2 years started to talk to her mother again. She has been in contact only with her older sister for the last year.
I lived near the sisters when I moved to London to be with my hubby when we first got together. We then lived together near them for 5 years. (his mother lived near mine 40 miles away) When I had my baby I wanted to be near my mother and so did he...they live within 20 mins of eachother so we moved. Obviously the sisters, I only found out yesterday blamed me for making their brother move away from them even though he was the one that pushed it.
The older sister lied to us when she got back in contact with the younger. We didnt mind if she did but the fact she lied upset us.
Now the other day I said to her "dont tell younger sister i am pregnant as i think my hubby should have the respect of doing it himself"
She said fine but tell my mother as she might have done it already....so I contacted his mother. She told me that the older sister had already told the younger one at Christmas.... Unbelievable.
I confronted the sister and she denied it. I spoke to my hubby who said he didnt care, I told the older sis this and she still denied it. So I left it a few days and said "have you told her yet?" She read the message but completely blanked me.
So I have taken to blanking her. She is ringing me, texting me asking if I am ok but Im not responding.
Today she has just text me again... asking why I have taken my facebook page down. I can hardly say "Oh because your mother told me you were upset I had put the scan picture of my baby up before you had had a chance to tell your son, even though that evening I had spoken to your other two and the eldest wasnt there"
How do I respond to her? I really feel like going on a hormonal rant but I dont want to make things worse for my hubby. Their relationship is already strained.
Sorry for the long rant but she is driving me nuts.

OP posts:
RoxyLady · 16/01/2013 12:26

Really appreciate some help :) please

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/01/2013 12:27

Disengage and do your own thing. The quickest way to unhappiness is to expect someone to behave properly when they have no track record of doing so. Ignore the texts, deal with his parents only and sidline the Ugly Sisters... Go to the ball instead Cinders.

RoxyLady · 16/01/2013 12:29

hahah thanks. Do I just keep ignoring her texts? Im starting to feel bad now. I havent responded to her in about 5 days. I just hate people lied too.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/01/2013 12:32

Ignore, disengage, don't tell them anything, don't listen to anything they say, don't discuss what they say with anyone else. You can't trust or believe them so there's no point. It's only your DH's sister.... not a parent or anyone important. Live your own life, do your own thing, take care of #1 and deal with the people you want to deal with. If others want to create drama, let them.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/01/2013 12:36

Should add.... you have to include the older sister in the 'don't tell them anything and don't listen to anything they have to say' part. Exchange vague pleasantries only, nothing else. The only way to deal with a liar/gossip/shit-stirrer is to give them zero ammunition and zero response.

Sonnet · 24/01/2013 12:07

I know this is an old thread but I have been browsing the boards looking for inspiration for my current situation.

Myself and my DD are currently the subject of playground gossip, lies and stirring and I have found CogitoErgoSometimes post sums up my mindset excellently.
Thank you CogitoErgoSometimes you have really helped me and I hope my DD too

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