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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

think 2year old is depressed

8 replies

Gottabbrave · 15/01/2013 21:03

Posted not long aga about my exp not being interested in dcs and had some good advice.
Just to update im now changing dcs names back to my surname. After no word from him for 3 months i gave him 24 hours to let me know if he wanted to be a dad and heard nothing (and hes shacked up with some new woman already ) so he has no rights to have the same surname imp. Cant change birth certificate details but can start calling them by my name i think.
Anyway all this stress of his emotional and verbal control over the 3 years we eere together and then cold turkey now hes gone has had an affect on me and dd. Luckily ds is too young at only 1 to understand.
I dont know whether dd(2) remembers her dad or misses him as she never speaks of him but over the last few weeks she has become withdrawn and sad , not wanting to sleep, mood swings and kind of a loss of enjoyment with life . Its so hard to see her like this i just feel helpless and im trying my level best with all 4 dcs (two older from a previous relationship) and no outside support.
I think i shuld take her to the docs to rule out anything physical but the thing im ashamed of is maybe its me! I lose it and shout quiet often and sometimes its all too much. Maybe i need counciling to make her better if it is my fault. All i want to be is a good mum and im getting it so wrong.

OP posts:
Selks · 15/01/2013 21:18

At two children are affected by what happens around them, how they are parented, how their parents are feeling themselves etc rather than being depressed as we as adults might understand it. She may be feeling unsettled and insecure due to changes around her that she can't understand (her dad leaving) and how that's affected you.
That doesn't mean you are a bad parent though...far from it; posting on here shows that you care and want things to be right for your daughter - a bad parent wouldn't do that. So try not to beat yourself up - you are a good mum but it sounds like you're struggling.
How about talking to someone at your local Surestart children's centre to see if they can offer support, or talk to your GP and ask about parenting groups etc...these can be great because not only can they give us some really helpful ideas about parenting but they are reassuring cos we can see that actually we are doing a lot right!
Best wishes.

baremadness · 15/01/2013 21:21

Oh I know kids understand and feel more than we give them credit for but honestly 2 year olds are very adaptable. It will get better as long as you are happy and consistant. 2 year olds are funny things it is probably just another side of her personality that is developing.

It is important that you dont sweat the small things. Just make like as best you can for you and dc. The rest will follow x

ImperialBlether · 15/01/2013 21:29

My daughter went through something like this before school age and I wish I'd taken her to a doctor. She suffered quite severe depression as a teenager and I believe she will always be prone to it.

Please don't brush it off.

Gottabbrave · 15/01/2013 21:42

Thankyou selks bare and imperial for your kind words . Yes i definately need more help and i will go to my health visitor maybe to see if they can help in any way.
The children are my world but im realizing i need a life too. I thought about sitters.com..expensive but not had me time for literally years so that may also be why im struggling but thankyou for making me feel a bit better. Parenting is hard x

OP posts:
sailorsgal · 15/01/2013 21:56

You can self refer to Homestart or go through your HV. Good luck. x

OliviaPeacein2013Mumsnet · 15/01/2013 22:09

Hi there
So sorry to hear this - hope you can get some help and support in here but sailorsgal is right you should talk to your HV too.

We have removed the duplicate threads for you
good luck with it all
Best
MNHQ

Springdiva · 16/01/2013 08:44

I think DCs pick up the tension in the home, so imo coming clean with the DCs is best so that they know any tension is not due to them being annoying/ not getting out of bed/ making a mess but is due to you being 'so busy that you are getting cross over little things' or whatever you choose to say.

A 2 year old won't grasp this but if the older ones are calmer and happier the wee one will be too. But try to fit in cuddles and reassuring her of your love for her too.

Never having time for yourself can make you v down ime. Just an evening or a morning can make such a difference. Best of luck Gotta.

Spice17 · 16/01/2013 15:06

Hello,

My DM left my violent 'D'F when I was 2 years old and after that I went through a stage of not eating AT ALL. She now thinks it was an extreme reation to what had been going on. It lasted a couple of years.

I don't have a problem with food apart from liking cake too much! but I have had depression on and off in my adult life, so I wonder if it could be linked.

Definitely worth discussing with HV and if you're worried she'll think bad of you, really don't, it sounds like you're doing the absolute best for all your children and having to do the job of 2 parents.

Good luck x

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