She's in her early 40's, I love her dearly, she's single, she's had a lot of bad luck in life but remains a positive person, she'd help anyone in a heartbeat and she has fallen in love with a man who is married with two young children. They work together, in fact his wife works at the same company but she's on maternity leave. This is going to end in disaster.
It started when they were working on the same project together, it started as innocent emails, asking how the other persons weekend was, telling a joke etc. One day she confided in me that she had feelings for him but she talked about it in a crush type way, i.e. nothing serious and she'd never take it further, I took it with a pinch of salt knowing he was married he's the man that walks around the office in specs and leather patches on the elbows of his cord jacket, a real geeky quiet and shy person. One day she said she thought he felt the same based on the quantity of emails he was sending, they had lots in common. Her friend told her to stop contact, I said that given they were working on the same project she should phase out the non work emails and just take a lot longer to reply/not respond at all on some occasions. I had no idea what to say and no idea now if this was right or not. She cut the emails down but his emails persisted and he would instigate all contact, some of which she would reply to. A couple of weeks ago she confronted him, told him that she had feelings for him and that he shouldn't email her anymore. He was taken aback and said he felt the same and that they shouldn't discuss over email but in person.
They met after work for a drink and talked for an hour about it all. He said the usual, the sparks gone with my wife etc. Then she told him she'd fallen in love with him and that he needed to leave her alone and work on his marriage. She text me after saying she hated saying it to him because she didn't want to but knew it was the right thing. This just seems to have escalated and today he brought in his favourite book wrapped up along with a card saying he didn't regret what she'd said and at the moment he's torn between his heart and head.
I spent our lunch hour today going through a long list of reasons why this is all a bad idea, for his children, his wife, him and my friend. She took everything in that I said but sort of accepted what I was saying, acknowledging it but still not being able to put her feelings aside. I'm worried, she's my friend and she's been through so much the last few years and I just want her to move on. I don't want her to break up a family, she's a good person and would regret this (she already does) and told her that if he's having problems with his wife he needs to decide this for him/them and not because he's been tempted.
They haven't even kissed but this seems like a slippery slope to me and emotionally it's an affair isn't it?! She said to me that she knows this is wrong and if she was his wife she would drag her (her, being my friend) out of the building by the hair and knock her out. She knows this is wrong...how do you help/reason/talk to someone who know's it's wrong but seems to be getting more involved? Maybe it's not my place but I just feel like I can't see someones family get ruined and if I could make the difference for my friend not to be the reason then I would. If she had never come along and he'd left his wife on his own accord that would be another story but I know my friend isn't playing fair!