Confused

[ConfuzzledMummy]

Hi Ladies,
I have a problem and I need some advice. It may be a bit long so i apologise in advance!

So i've been with my partner for 4 years and we have a lovely little girl who is 2. We've had our fair share of ups and downs in the past.I did move out at one point for a year. But the thing is he's always been a great dad when he is there, he neglects our relationship. We dont go out as a couple and he does like a drink in the week sometimes 4-5 times. He doesnt get legless but he has a few pints, my family hate his guts because of the way hes treated me in the past. No physical abuse or anything just neglecting me emotionally.
So at the moment we are living together in his rented house and i have the contraceptive implant in. The thing thats bothering me is that i dont know if i love him anymore, it seems somethings died in me. Thing is i dont know if its the implant i have in because its making me feel depressed and confused about my feelings, i had a chat with him last night about how im feeling and he said he felt we'd gotten closer in the last few months, but if i feel like that i shouldnt stay just for our daughter. So i think im going to have this thing taken out and see how i feel after a month if not have to leave. I feel so sad that my daughter wont have her family together. There is a bit of an age gap (16 years) and im only 22 but i feel about 52!

I'd love to hear any advice anyone has, or if anyone has been through the same thing what did they do.

Sorry i forgot to mention, i also feel like ive let my family down because they hate him. I could never get married without my family there so thats out of the question, everything i do with my family has to be seperate from him.

'Great Dads' can be utterly lousy partners. Just because you've got a child with someone it doesn't mean they are the right person for you. Choosing someone aged 32 as a life-partner when you're only 18 was always a risk because you're going to change radically up to age 30 and he is pretty much fixed the way he is now. This is as good as he gets and what you're describing is a drunk... sorry.

It's not the implant that's making you feel this way. If things are bad enough for you to have moved out for 1/4 of the time you've been together and if they're bad enough for your family to be unhappy with the way he has treated you.... then they're bad.

So don't be confused. You're unhappy, you want better and, regardless of what he is telling you, you want out. Talk to your family and get their help. Good luck

"i also feel like ive let my family down because they hate him. "

You've not let your family down. Quite a lot of us get together with unsuitable men when we're young and feel we have to defend them against a disapproving family. It's embarrassing to admit they were right and you were wrong but that's life....

I think i know in my head what i have to do, i've been with him so long that everything seems to be done in habit rather than love anymore. Even sex feels like a chore now, i know thats not the be all and end all but i just cant be bothered anymore. Plus we've got a holiday booked for july and i feel like im going to ruin it if i leave now.

Not surprised you are feeling confused, sounds awful for you. Can you discuss leaving with a family member?

If you do have the implant removed, make sure you get reliable contraception straight away. My h asked me to get the implant taken out because he said it was making me moody, and then was very unreliable with condom usage, which made me question his motives as he wants another baby (contraception sorted now btw!). Was it his idea or yours to remove it?

You are so young, and that is a large age gap. He is not likely to change now and is clearly bringing you down. What are your hopes for you and dd for the future?

Forget the holiday! Please just leave.

Thanks all will be back on later im going to have a coil fitted this afternoon.

Well I did it, I've left him. Had a long chat with my mum and Nanna and I decided to do it. I rang him before and explained the situation and he said he couldn't really say anything if I've already made my decision. But when we was speaking last night he wasn't really begging me to stay. I'm staying at my nans then ill have to sort something out. I'm going to pick my things up tomorrow so that will probably be a hard day but he won't be in so that will make things easier. I might be on here a bit more often for when the times get hard and I want to go back but ill be fine. Thanks for all the advice

It's always sad when things don't work out but I'm sure you'll be fine. He's at least respecting your decision which is something. You should be able to work out an amicable co-parenting arrangement for your DC. Good luck.

Don't underestimate how the implant can make you feel. I had it years ago and it made me almost suicidal. If you're feeling depressed, I think you should get it taken out and look at other options (now you're single, maybe nothing!). Good luck.

I'm having a consultation this week for removal of my implant and I had my coil fitted today.

Good Luck OP. You sound like youve made the right decision. Good on you girl!
You will find happiness again.