Sick of being treated like an idiot by my family.

[GregBishopsBottomBitch]

I've always felt like the black sheep of my family, butt of all the jokes, slagged off all the time, my dad only acknowledges me twice a year, i never see him. my sister (33) and i are not that close, i rarely speak to my brother (35), my mums partner thinks im irresponsible, yet im ive been good enough to raise and take care of his daughter for 13 years. Even now im looking after her while my him and my mum are away for a week, i normally get a months notice, i never get told anything, If my mum didnt do so much for me, i'd refuse, im nearly 30, and i get reduced to a child many times, i always get comments on being on benefits, how much i weigh, i suffer from depression, which is always lurking, it never goes away, most of the time, i dream of winning the lottery and taking my daughter and disappearing, i have no confidence or willpower, i've always felt lesser than than everyone else. How do you stop feeling like a 30 year old failure.

you sound just like me. Im the eldest of 5 but get treated like rubbish by everyone. my new years resolution was to stop them treating me that way ive told my mum how it makes ne feel and she now isnt speaking to me but that suits me fine. and I feel so much better

I've had alot over the years, monetary wise, so i almost feel like i have no right to complain, plus my family dont do emotions.

"How do you stop feeling like a 30 year old failure."

Only you can decide how you feel and determine what treatment you will tolerate. If people are rude to you or take you for granted, you're entitled to say 'enough'... no matter how much they do for you. If you want to take your DD and relocate, why not check out the possibilities? Don't wait for confidence or willpower... do it anyway. :)

My aim is for Australia, unfortunately, i may have to settle to somewhere less expensive to get too.

Well why dont you start making realistic plan, Australia seems unlikely! You're not going to win lottery so focus on changes you can make, and good luck!

Maybe if you just got yourself a few hundred miles away rather than a few thousand you could prevent yourself being taken so much for granted?

I need to get my depression, anxiety and mood swings under control, meeting new people and people in new surroundings, makes me physically sick, i dont know why.

What ll31 says about being realistic could be the key to improving your confidence. One recognised method for example is to set yourself a series of small, achievable, personal targets, hit them and so gain a sense of accomplishment and progress. If your goals are too remote, that can create a feeling of failure.

I sympathise....

I am trying so hard to get out of an abusive marriage, abusive in every respect apart from physical and I sometimes just wish he would hit me because that would be so much easier to deal with! :(

I have 2 (young adult) kids. None of us get along much. Well I get on with my daughter somewhat but these past few days I just want to leave, disappear, go away somewhere and leave everything behind.

Have you thought that your depression and anxiety could be caused by your circumstances? Have you discussed this with your GP?

You are not the label that other people stick on you :)

I was in dire circumstances recently and I took on a job I never in a million years though that I would be able to do, or could do. Do you know what? I did it! I did it with flying colours and no one was more surprised (or pleased) than me! :)

I cant tell you what to do but I can advise you to try everything and take all the help that you can find and you will make it :) You will... When you doubt yourself, just repeat: 'I can and I will' :)

I've been crying alot, after refereeing a fight between a 13 yo sister and my 5 yo DD , 13 yo and banged her head then kicked the 5 yo in the head, after trying to make peace between them, and then my sister telling me she hates my DD, earlier she told my DD to go and die. I cant take the fighting my head is killing me now.

It sounds dire OP
I just wanted to add even if you don't get to move away at the moment you need to seriously consider putting a stop to the caring of your sister.

along with hurting her intentionally is not the normal behaviour of a 13 year old girl. Your DD needs protecting from your DSis.

I have told my mum many times to sort her behaviour out, especially after sis slagged my then 4 yr old DD on FB.

What makes it worse, is when i was pregnant with DD, we lost my sisters son who was nearly one.

Why are you expected to look after your young sister?

I dunno tbh, im closest by probably.

Have you thought about simply refusing? She may be your sister but she's not at all your responsibility. You have a family of your own and they are your first priority.

Reguse to look after her. Her treatment of your dd is appalling, unacceptable. Protect your dd from your sister or she'll suffer emtionally, and as you know all too well, that's really hard to get over. She'll grow up to be the butt of the family, like you are now.

Can you get some counselling? The strength it can give you - if you're brave and force yourself to face all the things which will come up - is phenomenal. You will become the person you want to be (your family will try to stop you, once they realise how you're changing, so don't tell them about it at all).

Put your foot down. Look after yourself, because you deserve so much better. So does your dd.

Refuse to look after your sister. Say "I am sorry, I wont be able to look after her again". And try not enter into any debate. If you must elaborate, you can say "She does not get on with dd, and it is too hard work keeping her from hurting my daughter, I cant have this dreadful behaviour and disrespect in my home."

But, to be honest, I would just say "It does not work for me, you need to find other solutions".

Im gonna talk to my mum about her behaviour, she doesnt react like that to her other Niece and Nephews, i kinda get the feeling its jealousy, since she said before "Mum prefers P over me" even tho Sis gets pretty much anything she asks for, i think its hard for Sis getting dumped a few times a year, when they need to abroad, although she is a thoroughly spoiled prat.

On the plus side im doing a work placement, starting Fri, im filled with dread, but atleast i'll feel somewhat normal.

Do some research on toxic families. Get a therapist and work in therapy for at least a year, probably much more. Get away from your family.

You are in a very toxic situation and your depression and fears are very probably all to do with the situation you are in. You need support to get out. I have been in your position with my family and I now no longer see them. The relief is immense, I could skip down the street. You'll never get them to change or even understand so your only option is to explore ways you can change - ie get them out of your life for good.

I've also been through a similar situation , I've learnt to be detached totally so its possible to keep the relationship but emotionally distance urself from these people, its worked for me and gives peace of mind xxx