i still find myself questioning whether i am 'being too sensitive' and that 'it's my low self esteem' that makes me feel this way(his words). Ex p is a control freak, micro managed our lives and a workaholic. when dd came along, he hardly had any time for her (and me) as he is so superior and important and had oh so many important things to do, not like me who, he let me know, wasn't filling my life with enough friends/activities(approved ones, i had perfectly good ones when we first met but got phased out). But then he can focus intensely on one thing, like how my parents are close to dd,(he doen't like it) and go on and on and on about it, grinding me down.
he lets me know how very important he is by always mentioning when having access to dd that he 'doesn't have much time'. like he's squeezing us in. and that's how i felt in our relationship, like there was no room for me. If things weren't done his way he would make life very difficult, making me feel i was so small and inferior, i wasn't 'up to scratch'.
So now we are separated, and i have got a life and it is like someone has opened a window. i can breath. but he continues his gas lighting, rewriting history, and belittling when he comes for access to dd. 15 minuets he stayed, and in that time made me feel once again a small shrivelled, under achieving turd. Reality seems to skew when he's around. everybody thinks he's charming and successful. How can i hold on to my reality? i don't want my gorgeous dd to feel this utter shit feeling of being not good enough, so i need to be armed. sorry for long post.