he has looked through my phone and fb messages

[sophnchaz]

me 23 him 28 almost 29

Brief (long) history: We had seen eachother before (5 years ago) he was shady with me and kept quiet about a girl he was involved with. She moved back in to town which meant he abruptly ended things with me. We continued to remain friends. 5 years passes and I fb message him to see how hes been. He tells me he isnt interested in starting anything up. He later calls me and comes round and we chat til the wee hours of the morning. He then had been seeing me at my house every day. We established we were interested in seeing each other properly and decided to "date" and see how things go keeping hush about it. We connected again and have/had an amazing time to the point where it seemed unreal, I hadn't felt like this about anyone before. We were so in to each other in an intense way. Had then got involved with his family (meeting them etc.). One month in he looks through my phone to find I had been talking to a mutual friend of my ex... So yes i was talking to him in a way which was inappropriate... BUT i had NOT done anything with him, and when I had feelings again for this guy i ended contact with him.

Things are sorted with that situation although, he says to me he knows people that know him and tells me he is a reputed ladies man. I know this, i was having a little flirt yes but nothing beyond that, i didnt want a relationship with him.

sigh Then just the other night as hes round and im so ecstatic to see him, I wander upstairs to my DS to settle him again (we only see one another after bed) I have my laptop open with my inbox open, and I hear the car revving off the drive and to my amazement i see hes gone.

My facebook messages to my girls were all about when we first met and me being skeptical because of the past, they were warning me to be cautious etc.. I was then sending more messages about the phone incident. Of course they aren't going to sound good right?

note: he had been in a previous 3 year relationship with a girl and it ended "messily" his words. He since then had a year without being in contact with any girls. Then he finds me. I am so falling for him. We then went out for the day today like nothing had happened. To which he said in the car though "were different people" :( and i asked him if he had feelings for me still and he replied "I don't know" yet we had coffee and met up with his family later...

HELP shed some light anyone???

Well, he shouldn't have read your FB messages, but I can see why he was pissed off. Would you want to be with a guy if you clicked on his inbox only to find out he was busy telling all his mates intimate and personal details about your relationship and they were sending back messages saying, 'I should watch this one, mate. She sounds like a slag/nutter' or whatever your friends were saying. I'd have driven off too, TBH.

i disgaree with soworn friends should be able to talk to each other about relationships, especially if you are unsure and your friend sees warning signs. i would hope my friends would care enough about me to let me know if they though i was with a dodgy man!

i think the only reason he would have to be pissed of would be if any of what you said to your friends was untrue?

tbh though, this guy doesn't sound that committed to you. from your post it reads like he uses you to pass time. sorry. it's just what i am seeing.

in your shoes i would let him go. he clearly has a temper! driving off liek that without even a word about why and then behaviing like nothing has happened the next day. more effort than he's worth and more than it should be in the early days. especially when you haven't done anything to warrant an fall out.

He seems very suspicious of you and I don't think you can trust him in return. It is very wrong to be reading other people's messages... it's like opening your post. Don't make the mistake of getting into a relationship with a jealous man.

First time out, he cheated on you.

Second time round, a month in and he's snooping through your FB and phone? Crazy.

This is far too much like hard work. It may be intense, but it's all kinds of unhealthy. Jealousy does not equal caring, it equals controlling. Given your history, it suggests that he's the unfaithful type who thinks everyone else is at it too.

And the driving off in a huff then acting like nothing happened the next day - red flag.

I hate to say this but this man sounds like bad news. He cheated on you first time around and now you're giving it another go he is looking at your private messages one month in. This is purely my opinion and others may disagree but in my experience whenever a man has been overly suspicious then it is usually because they have a guilty conscience themselves. I may be wrong but either way his behaviour doesn't sound good.

The driving away in a mood and then acting as though nothing had happened is also a red flag. He sounds like more hassle than he is worth tbh. Personally I would be out of there, I get the impression his behaviour will only get worse and I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

You both need to grow up, tbh

I agree with AnyFucker, tbh.

He's going through your inbox, you're talking to other men in an 'inappropriate' way and it's only a month in? Then he's speeding off into the night? Christ, it sounds exhausting.

Flags waving everywhere, and they're all red. Bad history, bad present. You're 23 - you have the luxury of having many many years of NOT putting up with asshats, hassle, moodswings! Trust me, I'm 24 and there are many things I will put up with in a man, but asshattery is not one of them.

What AnyFucker said. Sorry

Maybe we both need to be on our own how ever hard that is i think we have a toxic chemistry i think we are turning ourselves nutty! It will either calm down and become more normal or it wont go anywhere. Thanks for the advice, when you like someone that much it is a hard pill to swallow sometimes

I think you'd be better making a positive decision to end it rather than just passively wait and see what happens.