What practical ideas have helped improve your relationship?

[bunnybunyip]

I'm not talking about serious problems, but where work, life and kids get in the way and affection and communication goes a bit out of the window.
Date nights? Switching off the tv? Family days out? Scheduling time together? Holidays? Random acts of affection/caring?
One thing I find doesn't work is sitting down to talk about it. So was looking for anything practical that has worked for others.

Yes with dp and I having 4 jobs between us and 2 x primary school aged ds's, life can get in the way of 'us' most of the time. So we've recently instituted a monthly date night - usually we go to the pictures. We've also started having a Sunday morning meeting where we go over everything that needs sorting out for the week ahead - helps sort our heads out and come to joint decisions about practical stuff as well - really works!

Also, I have to have holidays booked in - not abroad expensive holidays but time off through the year - short breaks usually but they keep me going!

Thanks for the ideas. I like the idea of going to the cinema, because we get out so rarely we tend to go for a meal and it seems a bit forced sometimes. Mind you, finding a film we both agree on might be a challenge! We did start a weekly meeting but it sort of fizzled out, it is always me initiating it and DH reluctantly agreeing. Will try and get it going again.

yes I know what you mean re: going out for meals - we tend to only do that for special occasions and then go somewhere really nice. We also have different film tastes so try to take it in turns to choose!

Fake it till you make it, and I dont just mean sex.
My relationship with DP is far from perfect but as I've got older I have learnt not to express my every single resentment or angry thought and to actually just say or text something that I may not be feeling whole heartdly but would be the more beneficial to the relationship.
Surprisingly even the act of saying something you don't fully mean can make you feel it a bit more if that makes sense. E.g have sent a 'love you' text when feeling less than loving and the nice response makes you feel more loving.
Took me many years to learn to bit my tongue a bit but our relationship is better for it.

After the birth of our second DS we were run ragged, i use to throw the kids at him the moment he entered the house and couldn't understand why he didn't want to immediately help out ... then i got pt job and on those days he was at home ~ we certainly saw things from each others perspective, he couldn't understand how i got anything done and i realised the last thing you need when you walked in the door was a couple of kids thrown at you !
Obvs this won't work for everyone, but just trying to understand how each other feel helps.
Also when we were skint and babysitter-less we would pack the kids to bed ( by this time we hd 3) get the telly off and play a stupid card game or something over a bottle of wine, or cook each other dinner with a bottle of wine, it certainly helped us

Making a conscious effort to have more sex. Given we both work full time & have 3 children under 6, we are always exhausted & seemed to manage not to have sex for ages, so as unromantic as it sounds, now agree when we're going to try! (And keep our fingers crossed that we don't get interrupted!!)

Put down the technology. That's television, smartphones, laptops, tablets and videogames. Give each other your full attention rather than half paying attention while one of you is staring at a screen (movies you're watching together are a bit of an exception, obviously).

We save £2 coins and when they have got to a reasonable amount book a meal at a restaurant we haven't tried before, or one we like but haven't been to for ages, and have a date night.Even though some months we have a bit more money in the bank-never that much to spare! and could pay out of our account there something nice about totting up the coins and realising there's enough for a treat.
Also,after a very bad patch a couple of years ago, the first and the worst in an otherwise long and happy marriage - we actually ended up at Relate - we make a point of once a fortnight after dinner spending having a ' meeting' where either of us can air any grievances ,however small, or talk about anything important to us.Things have got so much better recently often it's just a chance to say how happy we feel ,or thanks for something supportive one of us has done.Sounds cheesy, but it's working for us pleased to say.And we really were at the point of separation just two years ago.

Getting a cleaner. It was a while ago now and we don't have one any more but at the time we were working the same hours but all cleaning was down to me for some unknown reason and it was causing endless rows so we got a cleaner and the rows stopped overnight.

Agree about scheduled sex. Totally in romantic but life does get in the way and with 2 non sleeping kids, I never feel like it at the moment. I'm going to schedule some very soon!

Regular long chats where we get everything out in the open that's bothering us. Complete and total honesty even if it's bad stuff about each other. It's normally me that instigates them and they can happen once a week or once every 6 months, depending what's going on in our lives. Oh and they usually end in overemotional tears from me, followed by sex.

TMI?

Oh shit, I'm sorry OP, I've just reread your first post and you say talking doesn't help. My post was less than useless then!

Playing more music massively improves (his) the mood in the house. I make a conscious effort to play old CDs of his that he's not heard for a while, always gets me brownie points (and I quite like most of it too). Often leads to random dancing about the house and giggling children.

It's not just having more sex it is making a much more regular effort to touch, kiss, look into his eyes... I didn't realise how much my husband was missing just regular physical reassurances of our intimacy. If the children are around it doesn't have to be full blown snogging - just a physical marker saying "I'm here, you're sexy, maybe later..."