Am I over-reacting or would this annoy you? Financial attitude

[fiftyodd]

Some background : dh and I have been married a long time, 1 teen still at home.

I have always taken the financial responsibility - I am main breadwinner, he has good job and works hard, he does loads around the house and all the diy plus most of the laundry (he works slightly fewer hours than I do), I do what I can when I can - eg cleaning laundry etc - we don't sit down much!

But it wasn't always like this. He grew up with an over-protective mother who did everything for him and lived at home until he moved into my house... He quickly realised he needed to pull his weight domestically and I've gradually and sometimes painfully taught him how (we don't get shrunken jumpers any more)!

However, he has never taken any responsibility for money - has no idea how to log into our joint bank account and I had to nag him like mad to open his own ISA for child benefit (we might lose some of it, which he claims, because I earn just over £50k.

We're fortunate to have enough money then, but his casual attitude irritates me and came to a head last night when I asked him about the outcome of a Paypal dispute he was siupposed to have raised.

It was shoes he ordered for dd from a dodgy source in China, costing £30 and which never came. The paypal account is mine and basically he couldn't be bothered to follow it up and now we have lost the money and the case is closed.

I'm really annoyed - although it's not a huge amount, it's his casual attitude which has peeved me - I grew up poor and have worked hard to get to my position - he has always been subsidised by women (first his mother, then me).

He points out he saves us plenty of money by doing jobs we would otherwise pay for - eg sanding the floors and decorating, which is true - but it would have taken 10 minutes to recover that £30. I worry it gives dd the wrong attitude to money and have accused dh in the past of an "easy come, easy go" attitude.

Your opinions please?

Thanks for reading this far - your opinions please?

Sorry for repeat, posting on phone.

It would annoy me but I think he's got a point, he takes responsibility for DIY and sanding floors is bloody hard work, so you could take responsibility for the financials because it sounds like it's more important to you.

Without making any comment on the main issue of your differing attitudes to money, if the PayPal payment was funded by a credit card - as opposed to a debit card - linked to your account, contact your card supplier and ask them to reverse the transaction.

Although he may have exceeded the 45? days allowed to institute a PayPal dispute, you may still be able to leave eBay feedback which could shame the seller into refunding your payment.

I feel your pain. My dh moans if i shop in waitrose, for example, but doesnt fight for the bigger issues, parking tickets, unfairly withheld deposit from LL, he was owed 2k for paternity pay (spanish) and even missed the deadline for claiming that, has been talking about moving his mortgage for four years and done f all about it...i could go on. I should just ballistic but really, i give up.

I think you need to let the £30 go. It's not that much money compared to your income, and although it's annoying, it's not worth escalating the issue by constantly nagging about it.

Like PeacockLady said, you care about the money, therefore it's logical that you sort out the financial side. It sounds like he pulls his weight in other ways.

Thanks - it wasn't via eBay, but was from a credit card, so I can look into this (it's my card). I have now changed the EBay and Paypal passwords, which is probably very petty I know, so he will have to create his own account for future transactions.

If you're happy enough with everything else, then let it go. Honestly, life is too short and good relationships not easy to come by. We are none of us perfect.

I would not worry about this. I have control of our finances not because my DH has a problem with money but I am just a bit more organised. My DH is a hard working man who does alot at home too. Cooking, cleaning, DIY and to a much higher standard than I could.

We are a team and I cannot do DIY and he leaves the finances to me. He is not being lazy we all have different strengths

Simply ask your credit card supplier to reverse the transaction. If the first call centre worker you speak to isn't aware of this provision, you may need to ask to speak to a supervisor.

Thanks. Credit card firm were great - looks like we will get the money back. Dh had left it too late to escalate to Paypal who, I have discovered, only give 45 days to rase the dispute - dh had been trying to contact the vendor and then gave up.

I have cancelled Paypal account - don't want to give them any more business!

Have taken on board comments about letting it go with dh - we have somewhat different attitudes to money, but is otherwise a good egg (making me tea atm).