H left 2 months ago think its only just hitting home :(

[doinmybest]

living here with me and my 2 dcs 1 day, next day Ive met someone, Im leaving you and moving in with her. I think Ive done shock, anger, hurt, anger, shock, felt sorry for him, felt sorry for me, felt sorry for her anger, now I think Ive just hit reality :( Ive also just found out my teenage dd has been texting her ( they havent met yet) and Ive taken that as a real stab in the back. Help?? talk some sense in to me because Ive just told dd how much Im hurt to be told 'by a text?'. Rationale doesnt come in to a broken heart and 3 glasses of red :(

Hope you feel a little more together this morning. You were quite right to tell your DD that hurt your feelings. She's old enough to realise it's not nice to go behind your back and be disloyal. What to do about it 'hitting home' more generally... think forward. It could be that you've rather put life on hold for the last couple of months, not exactly expecting things to go back to normal, but not quite accepting it won't either. Waiting, rather than acting

So I think you have to face forward, take control and start making plans for your future without him. Make the new reality your reality rather than feeling at the mercy of events. I don't know if you've seen a solicitor about divorce yet, for example, but dealing with practical matters like finance, admin, accommodation etc can help you feel like you're making progress. What's your social life like? Have you any thoughts of a summer holiday?

Hi,Ihope you re feeling a bit better this morning.The thing about ow especially if they don t have children is that they only play at being parents.They do all the nice fun bits are usually more glamorous because they have more time and money.as hard as it is don t compete! When my children come home raving about how fab the little tart is I always think.She will always be ow I will always be their mummy and ultimately when things go wrong it's me they want not some gormless child with the IQ of a muddy puddle.
If you think that it takes away some of the sting.I use really gushing terms about her to the children in front of my ex how fabulous she is,and are nt they lucky that Daddy's got such an amazing Friend all the time wanting to scream like the mum in the sit com Bread "She is a tart"
I also try to do something really constructive at home while they are away so when they come home I can focus on them.
Try not to forget that your daughter must be really torn, she must love her dad, and still feel guilty about liking the ow. If you can get things at home like money housing and think about starting the divorce it can be really empowering.
My favourite strategy is Fake it til you make it Rant like a crazy woman to friends and family but don t let him know how shitty you feel.I send you a big hug and a large bottle of kick ass head up smile on you will be fine.

Really good advice above.

You sound like you have a lot going for you already. You have enough strength to speak politely about 'Daddy's friend'. You are able to calmly tell teenager about your hurt feelings.

It takes a looooong time to get over the hurt of being 'left'. Usually, the 'leaver' has a lot of their issues worked out before they go, and they can be quite cruel about the length and intensity of the pain they have caused the 'left'.

Accept that you have been 'bereaved'. There is no timetable to dealing with it.

But, at the same time, focus is on you and your goals (not him and OW).

It will help your children too. They can know that you have been hurt, but that it is not their job to comfort you. They can know that their Dad still is and always will be their father, but not have to feel any disloyalty to still loving both of you (and even becoming attached to OW).

Set out a list for yourself of things to achieve in 2013. Is there an access schedule? Get it written down. What arrangements for the family home? Get it written down. Do you exercise? Aim to do a 5K (even if you walk it). Do you work? Aim for longer hours/better pay/a course to improve your skills.

Dont give him or OW any free space in your head. You are better than that- his loss.

Excellent advice from all these posters :).

I do think it's harder in some ways once reality hits, and you get through the "get through one day at a time" stage.

Thanks, you are all, as ever, so right. I definitely got caught up in birthdays and christmas and didnt really have a chance to 'grieve' I was obsessed with him seeing the error of his ways and coming back begging forgiveness - to which I was going to send him packing but that was going to be MY moment to move on. I need to realise that will not/may not happen and I cant sit here waiting. My dd is a people pleaser and it shouldnt have come as a shock that she would want to have some kind of dialogue with this tart OW. I can see that now the wine goggles are off ;)